Been CRAZY lately

Past couple of days.. crazy energy.  Mine included.  Doesn't help that I'm not sleeping.  Work was punishing the past couple of days, so sorry I didn't get many posts up.

Well I must be having MAJOR releases.  I've done the I'm not worthy EFT for a couple of times as well as one for bringing money into my life.  (haven't seen the money yet -- but it's still early)

One of the messages I have in my mind movie that I mad is that I manifest abundance through love and joy.  Now I'm thinking abundance like wealth - as that's the purpose I'm currently working on.  Instead, I am being surrounded by love.  Like really crazy things.

I suppose it comes back to the whole self-worth.  Like why would these people like let alone love me.  I see myself as a good friend to have, but I'm not wealthy, I don't have "looks" per se, and I start listing the things.  But now I see.  After getting some sleep, now I see.  I am not like most women.  Probably because I was always "one of the guys".  I am honest (sometimes to a fault), don't play games, definitely don't like to lie (never ends out well), and I LOVE life.  I see such joy in little things.  I enjoy so many things - music, dancing, tv shows (reality stuff included), movies, books.. etc.

I now see the worth of me.  I have finally become worthy.  I have LOVE to give and LOTS of it.  And I do it joyfully without reservation.  Who wouldn't want that?

Such a day of discovery -- how about you?  What have you discovered about yourself?

Feeling Worthy?

My course I've been working on has been trying to get things in line to bring great things to me.  I've even talked about some of them throughout my blogs here and there.

Well this week was all about Eliminating Self-Limiting Beliefs.  Apparently now matter how hard you put toward being happy, getting positive affirmations, etc, there may be hidden self-limiting beliefs in your subconscious that may be sabotaging what you're trying to do.

They used Emotional Freedom Technique or "tapping" to help you work through these self-limiting beliefs.  The example that they went through was thinking it was impossible.  That one was high on my list as was another and I was surprised at how much I did release doing this.  I then went back later and did the I'm not worthy version.  I found on You Tube someone working through this using EFT.  HUGE, gulping cries were pulled out of me during this process.

I was taken back to a few moments in my life that I felt that I wasn't worthy.  Instead of dwelling on them and making me feel worse - like usual - they felt more detached.  I finally saw where I got that belief and I felt more ready to move on from it.  I'm sure I have others, as I don't think I'm down number wise where I need to be, but I feel a heck of a lot better.

For the first time, I'm hopeful  -- really hopeful  -- that everything I want will come true.  I feel lighter and more positive than I have in a long time.  Helping others is all I've ever really wanted to do.  Now instead of focusing on them all and using helping them to make me happy.  I'm happy and it's going to make what I do even better.

I've done some major looking at my life and what isn't working and working on fixing it so it does work for me.

So take a moment and state to yourself, I am not worthy and feel your gut and what level does it have for you. 8-10 should be major discomfort, possibly actual pain.  5-7 is mild discomfort in how it makes you feel and when you hardly have a reaction you're probably 4 or less.  For once you want to be as low as possible.  Then I suggest you find a you tube where someone walks you through the tapping process and helps you with that issue.  It is worth it.

There are times

when we need to take care of our self.  Wednesday night I came home to a sick child.  I of course seem to be the only one that recognizes when she's sick.  Due to her heart condition, I also can't sit and wait it out.  So I took yesterday off from work.  Just to verify we didn't have an infection.  No ears, sinus or strep.  Appears at the moment to be viral.  So, with that being done.  I decided to go to urgent care and get myself checked out.  Again, been dealing with pain in my lower back/leg and not sleeping.  So it was time to get it checked out.  Dr. there referred me to a chiropractor that he has worked with before.  I definitely had sciatic pain.

So I manage to get in later that afternoon.  I really like this practice.  Let me tell you, I have not had good experiences in the past with Chiropractors, so I tend to stay away from them.  Turns out yes, I have the sciatica, but worse a pinched nerve.  They tell me they're going to be doing stretching and PT stuff with me to get the pain to stop, when that happens, they'll see if I even need to be adjusted.  While talking to the guy, he finds out I have twins and says his brother just found out they're expecting twins.  He then goes on about how many sessions he thinks he'll need and if I can afford the $25 copay.  Anything at this point to stop the pain and be able to sleep comfortably again.  Then he's like wait, you've got 3 kids.. I'll make it $20 copay.  And we won't charge you for this session, we'll call it a consultation.

I feel so blessed to have been sent to him.  Then when I was setting up the next couple of appointments, one of the other doctors came out and we got talking and it turns out that she has a daughter a year younger than my eldest who had a brain condition (sorta like my youngest).  Had a nice discussion over that.  Small world!

So yes, I wasn't completely out of pain, but at least it wasn't radiating down my leg last night.  I can't wait to see what today's appointment brings.

Blessing come in all different packages -- I'll take each and every one of them - how about you? :)

What a little sleep can do

I've been dealing with this issue along my lower back/leg.  It's sorta like a moving "charlie horse" that is wrapping around my sciatic nerve.  So it's making sleeping difficult.  Some days are worse than others.

Monday night into Tuesday were one of those times.  I have a long commute into work and because I didn't really sleep, I decided to stay home.  I got good sleep a little in the morning and also some in the afternoon.

I even got good sleep last night!  Woke up groggy, but in a MUCH better mood and frame of mind.  So it's amazing to me what a little sleep can accomplish.  I'm very much a happy camper today - even at work - and in a huggy mood.  Not sure I should really go around hugging my co-workers though :D  Will have to wait to give to my kids when I get home.

Now if anyone wants virtual ones -- just contact me :D  Happy to oblige :) <3

So being in this good mood - I pulled a card from the Angel Tarot --

The Magician (Archangel Raziel)
"You are ready!  You have the resources or the ability to manifest them.  Life is magical!"

Time to let go of those insecurities that have been holding you back.  As the angels for assistance.  Everything you have gone through has prepared you for this moment.  Keep your vibration high and let opportunities come to you.  Keep focused on the end game of where you want to go.

AWESOME I say!  How about you?

Receiving

How many of us are really good receivers?  I am not.  I always love giving of myself or gifts to others.  Very rarely do I feel comfortable in receiving something.

I pulled a card today from Doreen Virtue's Goddess deck.  Hathor - Receptivity.  "Allow yourself to receive.  This will increase your intuition, energy, and ability to give to others."

Hmmm.. makes me think.  Is the reason I am not making any big progress in my allowance is because I feel like I don't deserve it?  If so, how do I change that?

I took a major step this weekend and when hubby said he'd take the kids with him for most of the day - I let him.  Normally one or two will stay with me.  While they were gone, I made use of the kid free time and cleaned (pitched) up my daughter's room.   It had gotten so bad that even she was like - we need to clean Mom.

She's thrilled that she can actually put stuff into the closet now and there's still room for her to sit in there.  I used to do that.  It was fun being inside the closet.  When I was cleaning it, that brought back memories of doing such when I was little.

Last night, my youngest came over for loves.  There is nothing like getting hugs from my kids.  Mainly because I know how short of time that can be.  I am hoping I'm loving enough with them little that they'll continue while they "grow up".

So universe.. I will try and learn to be gracious with the gifts that I'm given... I'm am ready to receive.

Busy Beaver

Had breakfast out with the family and then they took off for most of the day.  I did some running around to not get what I needed and so I'm back to clean house while they are gone.  Or at least a few things.

I can already see my daughter's floor room - now about to tackle a closet that .. well.. hasn't been tackled probably since we moved in.  I'm getting rid of stuff while people are gone - so they don't have time to miss it.  They'd miss it if I found it even if they hadn't seen it for 5 years or more.  Time to purge!!

So, how are you all spending your weekend?  I'd write more - but need to strike while they're all out! TTYL

New gifts

I love when I get new gifts.  Any gifts - and I'm not talking physical gifts (though those are nice too - I'm just bad at receiving them - getting better though!).  What I'm talking about is an intuitive response.  It just started this week.  Apparently the corners of my eyes are very sensitive.  So while I'm driving I'm asking the question which road I should take and one eye seems "heavier" than the other and that's my answer.  Yesterday without asking they started pulling on my right eye, unfortunately I was in the left lane and couldn't get over in time.  Turns out there was a major traffic jam just over the hill.

So now I set up my eyes being yes or no.  So instead of my pendulum which I had been using for yes/no questions, I get to use this body response. 

I am LOVING expanding my gifts!  I keep asking about opening even more.  I am going to "come out"in my book - so I might as well as be as open as I can. :)

I'm also making new connections in my life.  I'm learning the social media marketing - trying to bring people to my website: www.healingsbyharmonize.com  and the one I share with my spiritual friends http://divinepathways.com  But I'm also meeting these new people and getting to know more about them.  It's great!  I love making new friends.  When I was a kid, strangers were just friends I hadn't met yet.  My eldest is the same way.  The downside is people usually don't know how to "take" us.  I've learned to tone it down some, because I'm more aware that not everyone is comfortable with hugs or my sarcastic type of humor.  But, I feel when I do that, I am denying who I really am.  I've seen here at work being more of myself and of course being in a happier place is helping.  We've had 2 new people start up in the past month and it's been great getting to know them. 

I'm also taking and doing different exercises trying to bring my vibration higher.  The higher it is the better my chances and the things that can come into my life.  And in turn, because of my natural healing ability, I seem to be affecting those I touch.  Almost like I am a "lucky" object.  I just need to figure out how I can be my own :D

But this morning, I had a HUGE awareness and breakthrough.  I was sobbing on the way in.  That is my way of getting rid of the baggage.  So I'm asking that any and all blockages or things that are holding me back be resolved.  I'm done holding on to them.  Please heal them.  Of course more sobbing happened.  I'm very hopeful that more good things are coming to me and I in turn can then help others.

How about you?  What are you holding on to that is still holding you back.  It may be something you may not even be aware of -- something that happened when you were a child.  You just have to ask for help and it will come.

Be Happy

I don't know how you feel today - but I saw that and went yeah.. I'm going to be happy today.  Why?  Because it's easier to be happy than it is to wallow in sadness and definitely more easy than being angry.  I mean how tired are you when the anger fades?  Why do you think that is?  Somewhere I read that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.  Easier -- see?

Don't get me wrong, I have my moments of anger and sadness.  Life wouldn't be life without some of that sometimes.  And I don't care how happy a person is, they too have these feelings too.  We're human.  Now would they be more than likely to wallow?  Probably not.  Believe it or not, being happy and having good things come to you - can be quite addicting.  So if you have that, why wallow?  Acknowledge the feelings and why or how you got there and then MOVE ON!

I'm choosing to walk the path of happiness.  Actually I'm working toward the goal of LOVE and JOY.  I want to spread LOVE and JOY to others.  But I can't do it, until I start walking the path of happiness.

So I'm going to pull out my old video of my eldest daughter as a baby where she one night had a giggle fest and I was able to capture it.  There is nothing quite like the laughter of a child that can make you smile and start feeling happy.

So if you don't have a child - go to you tube and see if you can find a video of a child laughing and see how it makes you feel.  If you don't feel like looking.. take a look at mine :)

What is it with me?

I LOVE meeting new people.  However, when I do, I end up getting these individuals that think women are stupid or something.  Lately it's been individuals that are from a foreign country that "pretend" they are from the US.  Do these individuals do not realize that there is  a specific way of "talking" here?  Also, don't call a woman "woman" - that'll get you banned if not worse :D

My favorite though was the one who had different "names", but the same story.  I mean how many individuals are on skype who lost their wife and are on the high seas.  Do these people really think I'm that naive and stupid?

My idea of meeting people is learning about them, their culture, their beliefs and such.  I like to talk to people and get to know them.  I want that again.  Being that I work full time, have a big commute, kids, house and hubby, I don't have a lot of time outside of the home.  But I do have some time to get online.  Thank god for the internet.  I have met some most wonderful people this way.

So if you're spiritual and like to chat -- find me on Skype -- harmonize13. 

I'm ready to meet new people and see how I can touch your life.  I'm a great listener and usually have pretty good advice if you need it.  I also have a sarcastic sense of humor and am very down to earth.

LOVE!!

I was busy listening to podcasts from Doreen Virtue on my way into work this morning, when my angels decided to show me some love:

Now it looks like a normal sunrise.. right?  Let's take a closer look:


This wasn't even all of the hearts I saw in the sky all morning.  I unfortunately couldn't get the best looking one - but there were hearts all over.   My angels were sending me LOVE <3

So let's look at love in general.  It's a great feeling to have and on the vibration scale it's on the higher side.  The more you vibrate at the love level (or higher) the better the things that are attracted to your energy and better things coming your way.

I've been working on getting there and of course, seeing all this first thing in the morning, put me in a  much better mood.  Good way to start the day.  Of course it helps also that I love beautiful sunrises and got one today.

So, where can you see the LOVE today? :) <3  I send you mine!

Busy, busy day!

First off I have to do a shout out to my bestie (and soul sister) for the wonderful amethysts she found and sent to me <3  They are fantastic pieces!

Was a busy weekend that led right into a busy Monday at work.  We got a new person at work.  He showed up before the boss was there and before I thought he would, so I was busy trying to get training materials put together for him.  Once I got that done, I had to get the paperwork together for the other new guy I've been training to get him access to the real system.

Then I was busy trying to get information about a new software release that is coming.  Usually the people I deal with on this system are hard to get info out of -- well some of them.  Finally got it and was busy trying to read the code, I mean the notes from the software company about the changes.

Then I spent my afternoon working with the new guy and training him on one of the systems.  I swear I don't know where they day went!

I'm also busy the next couple of days too.  I will be doing more training of the new guy as well as regular class.  So long days!

So, I did pull a card today for us.. and the card was Adventure!  How fun is that?  The basic of the card is to leave the worry alone and look for the joy as a child.  Most children are ready for adventures and have little fear.  We're to take that attitude with us to start our adventure -- what ever it is!

Making Space

I don't know if it has something to do with abundance not coming to me or not, but I'm tired of all the crud in the house.  It's time for a spring cleaning. (and then some).

This is going to be difficult for most in the house as I'm probably the only one that has gotten rid of stuff.  I gave away all my books and have gone electronic - I bought a Kindle.  I've been trying to buy DVDs or Video's online for old DVDs or even VHS tapes.  Yes, we still have those along with cassette tapes.  There is no reason to have this stuff anymore.

I'm going through the kids clothes and try and get them organized today.  Time to try and have a yard sale soon so I can get rid of the clothes while still making money.  I have tried to give clothes away to people that need them first, but no more need, so time to make money.  What ever is left, I'll give to the pregnancy place in town.  The baby stuff is going to be hard for hubby.  He swears the moment I get rid of that stuff I'm going to get pregnant again.  I'm 44.  I really hope that won't happen :)  So far, it hasn't.

But it's time.  Time to cull.  And if in the process I make money and/or get more things free - then it'll all be worth it.  Plus best of all.  I'll have space in this house of mine.  Yeah!! That's the important goal.  It's bad enough trying to walk around between kids and cats but when you put toys and other things on top of that, surprising enough as much of  a klutz I am, that I haven't seriously hurt myself yet.

How about you?  What's your rule of thumb of getting rid of things?

Breakthru!

yes, I know I spelled it wrong but it's OK :D

I signed up for this free seminar on Attracting your Soulmate.  Yes, I'm married, but I am using this to change my vibration and release old restricting beliefs.  I tried listening to Day1 last night, but the webpage was down.  So I decided to listen to them this morning on the drive in.  I mean I have 1+ drive.

I really didn't know what I'd get out of listening, but just in the first speaker, I had 3 "Ah-ha" moments.  Which led to crying.  Crying for me is a release of that negative energy.  So, I'm still listening to more.  I'm hopeful this will help me to become a better person, raise my vibration and become more loving.  Am I looking to "attract my soulmate"?  To me that's not the goal.  My goal is to become more loving to me.  Good things can't come into my life until I get there.

I do love myself, but listening to some of these speakers, I see that I have very basic things from growing up as well as from past relationships that I never have truly resolved.  It's something I have to take care of before I can move on in my process.

I love letting go of old beliefs.  It's all about the forgiveness.  Forgiving is letting it go.  If you keep mulling over it, it continues with you and keeps bringing it back to you.  I'm ready for my life to change and I see it.

What breakthroughs have you gone through?

Not sure what's going on...

My eldest all of a sudden is anxious about me leaving for work.  She's being extra lovey to me as well.  Which that part I don't mind, but I worry about her worrying so much.  She's only 7. 

I try and explain that I have to work (I'm the only paycheck).  That I have angels looking out for me.  After I mentioned that she said hers went to me.  How do you explain to a 7 year old that they are made of energy and can be multiple places at once?  I barely understand the concept at 44.

So I'm trying to reassure her to say ask for the angels to be near you when you get scared or worried.  They'll be there for you.

I still worry about her.  She's the very kind hearted one.  The type that loves to give things to people for no reason other than to give.  So when she's worried  -- I get worried.  Usually because there is something else going on with her.

Hopefully tonight I'll get home earlier than I have been this week and we can have some time together.

So for those that have kids - make sure to give them lots of love. <3  (Pets are included here too)

Only the world

I was listening to this song this morning on my commute in.  Most of the time when I listen to music it's all about the music - as I'm a dancer first :)  But I was really hearing the lyrics today.  So here they are:

Only The World"

[Verse 1:]
Been a hard one, Been a bad one
Been a tough one, Been a sad one
It's been one of those days that keeps chipping away at my heart
Nothing new here, It's what I do here
It's a stereotypical day, in the life
I'm surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
But I know it's alright, whoa oh

[Chorus:]
Cause it's only the world I'm living in
It's only today I've been given
There ain't no way I'm giving in
Cause it's only the world (only the world)
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me
Do do do do do do do do do, yeah it's only the world

[Verse 2:]
Anybody can you hear me?
Do you feel me? I mean, do you feel me?
I know I'm not the only one wearing the weight in this world
We got problems (said it's alright)
Just remember (yeah, it's alright)
Take a good look around we're just stuck on the ground for a little while
Don't it make you smile

[Chorus:]

[Bridge:]
Heaven is a place where the tears on every face will be wiped away
And I can't wait to go, but for now it's enough to know
This is only temporary this is only, Yeah, Alright!

[Chorus:]

I truly feel this was speaking to me.  I've kind of been in the dumps due to lack of sleep, the pain I've been dealing with, plus all of the negativity coming up with my class.  Today, I took my time getting ready -- driving in -- and listening to upbeat music -- I might have even did some singing ;)

But what I take out of this, is that we are together in making this world a better place.  Every good day we have and put out in this world, changes the vibration.  We just need to keep at the positive, no matter how bad things seem to get.  It's just a like pendulum, it will eventually need to swing the other way.

Death

Not a great topic to talk about, but I feel like one that should be talked about more.  I remember as a child being so afraid of death - especially me dying or my parents.  I didn't have any reason for it, as I didn't lose anyone near to me until I was a teenager.  We learned this prayer early:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I shall die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

I don't know if that had something to with this fear or not.  I have found this version after I had kids:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
thy angels watch me through the night,
And keep me safe till morning's light

I like it better.  To me, especially for kids, it feels safer.

Well, back to the topic.  Last week, we had the news of church friend's husband dying.  My heart just hurt for them.  She's a wonderful person and always upbeat and always willing to help out where she can.  So it affected me, because I've been there - not with husband, but I lost my daughter and when I was younger, my grandmother and cousin.

I also have read other perspectives on what to say in these circumstances.  There to me is no "right" way to express how bad you feel for the person.  Everyone is different.  Like me, I tried hard to keep it together as I'm a very private person when it comes to something that deep - like grief.  I like to be alone if I fall apart.  I'm pretty sure she's the same way.  She's going to be so busy with the arrangements and all the good wishes, that it probably won't really hit her until she is alone with no busy stuff to do.

When I lost Sarah, I didn't mind the "I'm sorry for your loss" or the other "mindless" phrases.  It's a hard situation to be in for both parties.  People when they say that, don't want to overwhelm others or don't have a clue what to say - so that comes out.  I truly didn't mind.  There is no right thing to come out of that situation, other than seeing the support you do have for you and your family.

All I can say - is be there for them.  I love the "making them dinner" - but if you've truly been in that position, honestly, you really don't feel like eating.  The best thing I think you can do for them is offer them an ear (if they want) or a hug.  A hug expresses so much more than words ever can.

So, the viewing and everything is happening for her this week.  I can't attend because I have training I have to do.  So my plan is to send her a card, after the initial stuff is done.  Offer her a hug at church should she be there.  Tell her, I'm available for an ear should she need it.  Sometimes it helps coming from someone not so close to you to be able to talk about things.

So after all of this.. let me finish by saying, it's alright not to have the words.  Just be there for them, anyway you can, even if they don't want it right that moment.

Feelings...

it's amazing how our feelings can make or break our day.  I'm dealing with a sciatic/muscle issue and have been for some time, but I recently had a massage, which apparently is now making it hurt more.  To the point of me not actually sleeping well.  Well two nights worth of not sleeping -- needless to say I wasn't able to drive to work today.  Guess that was a good sign, because I saw later the road(s) I would have been driving were backed up and I probably would have been sitting for hours in traffic.

I did some research to figure out what this thing is and apparently it's a muscle that runs along the line of where the sciatic nerve is and is acting like a charlie horse and messing with the nerve when it cramps.  The only thing that helps is stretching.

Recently I received a card reading where one card actually said to do Yoga.  Talk about a sign.  So, I haven't started yet, but I'm planning on it.  But I looked up what kind of stretching works for this muscle to help it and been trying to do some of those.  Can't do them all because of the pain, but I'm working on it.

Because of the pain, because of the not sleeping - I really have not been in the best of moods.  Not good for what I'm trying to accomplish.  But I keep trying.  So tonight I took time to sit and really play with my kids.  I needed their laughter to help me up, considering how I feel.  It felt good just playing like a kid for a change.

So I'm taking my time tonight to be grateful for the things that did go right today and hopefully will have a better night.

Thoughts and Emotions

I normally don't usually have time to write on the weekends because I'm usually busy with the house and the kids, but for some reason, I have some time today.  So I was like -- hmm, what should I blog about today?  After my last post of having too many ideas, I'm sitting here totally blank.

So I decided to talk to you today about the class I'm taking (yes, again).  I started week 3.  This time we had to do a worksheet that we put in a column of what we didn't want (on the area we are working on).  The second column was to then put the "why" to the first.  Why don't we want those things.  I had a lot of things in the first column, but when I got to the second, I realized most of my why's are the "same" reason.

A feeling of being a failure or not a good provider along with making me worry and feel bad.

So I have to work around those emotions.  Change them around to positive affirmations.  Not that I can do this, but I'm already doing this and making my dreams reality.

Because I'm re-focusing how I look at my life and trying to be more positive -- I'm finding a lot of negative stuff coming up.  My body apparently is fighting this too - as I have an issue that is not going away and it's causing me to dip into that negativity.  So I really need something to change for the positive.

So I've been trying to listen to different music that keeps me positive. I'm trying to be very thankful for the wonderful neighbors we've been given.

A friend had a channeled reading answering question(s) that you had from the Akashic Records.  I decided to give the person a try.  It was one I had looked at earlier.  Basically, he confirmed to me what I need to be doing and that it's coming.  If that's not a good positive kick in the you know what - I don't know what would be. 

So onward with my lessons and mission to become the best healer I can be for me and others.

What to do when

you have 2 choices to choose from.  This is me consistently.  I guess I have too many ideas running around through my head.  I have no idea if it's a lesson I need to be learning (choosing a better option than another) and I'm not learning, so it keeps coming back to me to see if I'll make the "better" choice this time.

To be honest, I wish I did know.  Would make life that much easier. :D  But in saying that, part of living life is living the choices we make.  I mean how much fun would it be if you knew all the answers and knew exactly what you are going to do in that moment?

Sometimes it might be nice, but all the time?  Don't think so.  You then lose the joy out of the little moments that take you by surprise.  Like my neighbors.  When I feel overwhelmed by something that my husband should be doing and isn't (without me nagging) and I'm about to do, they're already willing to go out to do.  I'm so blessed to have them to help out.  I love them so much, I've even imagined when I get my big winnings, I would build them a house near to me so we could still be neighbors :D

So my decision today was what the blog was going to be about.  I couldn't decide if I should do a section on "joy" - like I did with my other one or do the card reading.  Guess I decided to go with a 3rd option which is something different :)

This morning I'm a bit tired, trying to get awake to drive and I think of the song "Joyful, Joyful" -- so if you want to read about those thoughts -- go here:  http://www.healingsbyharmonize.com/1/post/2013/07/joyful-joyful.html

But I started driving along listening to my upbeat songs and got this one:

This was my first glimpse of the Artist Mandisa.  I have found I really love a lot of her songs.  She has upbeat ones like this, but also very poignant ones as well.  While listening to it, I saw this view and had to take a picture:

It makes me feel good watching sunrises and sunsets.  There's something magical about them to me.  Always have been.  So I was inspired to write a brief poem about sunrises:

Sunrises, a start to the day
A brand-new beginning for those who need it
A continuation of the promises made before for others
The light of God that helps us create and continue life
Peeking over horizon.. giving us a glimpse of a brand-new day
Giving us hope that the day will be wondrous if we just let it
Hope
Clean-slate
God the Artist, who shows us the pallet of colors
Sunrises, a start to the day

I love how...

I seem to "heal" other people's issues.  Sometimes it's just a matter of me talking to them.  I'm seeing all sorts of breakthroughs on individuals where I've posted a message to them of encouragement as well as in real life.

So then I have to ask myself, why isn't it working for me?  Do I just have really deep seated issues that I'm not even aware of and it's going to take more time for me?  I don't want to believe that.  I want to believe that if I conceive and believe I can achieve and it doesn't take that much time to do.

But here I am.  Still feels like I'm spinning my wheels.  Spiritual, Emotionally, Physically.  I want that breakthrough that will propel me forward.

I woke up very tired this morning.  Was a hard day physically for me yesterday.  It's raining and I just feel down.  Normally when I feel that way, I start with my gratitudes.  I say at least 5 of them and that usually does the trick.  Nope, not today.  As I'm driving, I'm hitting every light I can in town.  Which normally would put me into another meltdown.  Today, I just keep repeating different gratitudes.

Driving in, hit some commuter traffic.  I finally decide to put on my "upbeat" music.  These are songs that have meaning and usually some good dance tunes.  Make me very happy (usually).  I noticed today that it's not as affective as it normally is.  I'm happier, but still have what feels like a physical pain around my heart.  I'm working hard at trying to remove it.

So I'm hopeful that this will get resolved and I will be the one finally moving forward where I need to be.

Blessings to everyone that reads this today!

USM Course

I'm currently taking a course called the "Ultimate Success Masterclass".  I'm only into week 2 and this week we were to state our intention and goals.

Now the course says to print out the sheet and post it on your bathroom mirror and say the statement out loud to yourself every morning.  Well, I decided not to do that, but something different.

I printed not 1 copy - but 3.  One is hung up at work where I can see it, one is in my car (these are 2 places I'm usually at during the week) and the final one is hung up in my bedroom where I can see it before I go to sleep.

I also went a step further.  I recorded a video of my intention and goal and posted it to You Tube.  Here take a look:

 

It's interesting going through this process (it's 12 weeks in total).  I thought myself a pretty positive person, but going through all these exercises, I'm finding negative stuff bubbling up out of me.  So I'm really hopeful (I think for the first time) that this process will make me successful and get me what I want.

While saying my intention and goal over and over on the commute in today - I started visualizing things that when I have the money I would do.  One was work in fashion.  I'm not an artist (don't ask me to draw LOL) and I can't sew.  But I have ideas.  My eldest child is 7.  Due to her congenital scoliosis she currently in a size 14/16.  Do you know what kind of clothes are out there for "that size?"  I would love to work with someone to make clothes that look like kid's clothes - not mini fashionistas (or worse).  I'd also like to work with someone on plus size clothes.  There is a  market and very few people are working it.  There are just some things that a big person should not wear.  I get wanting to be hip and fashionable - but there's a limit to what we can actually pull off.

Now I can really see this happening in my mind.  It's not anything I even dreamed of before.  Sewing for my daughter yes, wishing plus size stuff actually fit - yes, but actually doing something like working with fashion people to get this done-- no.

So, today, I'm very positive in what I'm seeing come to me as ideas that might help me along my goal.  Only time will tell!

What are your dreams and goals?

Dealing with Adversity

Throughout our lives, we often get adversity in our path.  It's up to us on how we treat that adversity that will affect our life at that moment and in the future.

Now I'm a bit of a control "freak".  I handle things better when I know where it's coming from.  However, there are times you don't always have the "time" to get prepared.  So you have to just go with the flow.

It's those moments that you really get to know yourself.  It's also a pivotal point on how you deal with life in general. 

I have had my moments, probably a lot of them, where I didn't have time to get the information or was put into a situation where I had to react not think.  I think the trick here is not to panic.  Breathing for me is key.  I really work on trying not to react - or react badly to these situations.

Doesn't always happen, but the more I work on controlling the bad impulses, the better I get at it every time another one comes up.

So, my first challenge was a bad marriage.  I totally lost myself there for awhile.  I let him control me.  Which looking back, I'm still amazed that even happened.  Before I met him, I was joyous and happy and knew what I wanted, although a bit naive.  Through bad situations at work and then him constantly whittling away that confidence, I truly had nothing.  Thankfully, he liked to play an online game and I had to as well.  I met people online that I was able to talk to who kind of "woke me up" from what he was doing.  I also had earth angels that helped me when I really needed it.  I eventually left him.

The sad thing was, he was a great friend.  Just not good at relationships.  Or maybe just ours.

The second major thing that happened when I was pregnant my eldest daughter.  During a scan, they found some things that didn't look good for her.  They wanted answers and wanted to do an amnio.  I was alone when it happened.  I luckily breathed my way through that and broke down later.  She then ended up having open heart surgery at 8 days old.  She's had other issues we've had to deal with as well. 

I'm not a religious person, however, I do believe in God and truly believe he doesn't give us anymore than we can handle.  I know that sounds corny - but he knows us inside and out - so he knows what we can handle or not.

I didn't come to this belief until my second pregnancy where my other daughter was born with Trisomy 18 and major health issues.  She died 2 days after she was born.  I look at others who lose before the baby is full term or at birth as well as children dying down the line - there's nuisances in all these scenarios on how the parents must feel.  Regardless - it's still a loss.  No matter how prepared you thought yourself - you're truly not really prepared.

So life keeps throwing things at me and I keep trying to see the positives and lessons from these things and hopefully making the good choices that help me continue on my path the "right" way.