To increase your level of intimacy with yourself and in your relationships, it helps to understand and develop the following six types of intimacy.
Six types of intimacy
1. Physical Intimacy--is connecting to others with the body. It includes sex, touching, hugging, holding hands, the warm look of love in your eyes, and cuddling. Self-intimacy—is paying attention to your body; eating when hungry, drinking when thirsty, sleeping or resting when tired, playing when energized, healing your pains, warm baths, getting a massage etc.
2. Intellectual Intimacy--involves the mutual sharing of thoughts, opinions and interests. You both have areas of interest that you enjoy together. You both enjoy expressing you thoughts, ideas, values and beliefs with each other.
Self-intimacy--is your thoughts and ideas. It is expanding your knowledge, learning new things, and examining your values and beliefs.
3. Emotional Intimacy--is the sharing of feelings, and revealing who you are with one another. You both are at ease with sharing all your emotions; fears, happy experiences, worries, disappointments, excitement..etc. You both can console, empathize and comfort each other. Self-intimacy—is understanding what you feel and to feel your feelings, fulfiling your true needs and desires, being authentic, being compassionate to yourself.
4. Verbal Intimacy—is connecting with another by verbalising all the other 5 types of intimacy equally with the other person. For instance; you both discuss past relationships, or neither of you talks about it. If just one person is disclosing their personal life, it may mean that both of you have a fear of intimacy; one shows it by not sharing, the other, by not receiving, or it may mean there is a difference in beliefs or values regarding the discussion of relationships. Self-intimacy—is positive and compassionate self-talk.
5. Spiritual Intimacy--is defined by partners who can see each other’s spiritual being. Partners that share similar beliefs and values, and you both respect each other’s spiritual journey. You both participate in things that bring spiritual meaning to life. Self-intimacy—is exploring and understanding your spiritual- self and beliefs, and you are active in doing things that bring spiritual meaning to your life.
Social Intimacy--is the aspect of social human behavior. It includes:
Commitment…being true to our word.
Loyalty…being true to a course of action.
Being Authentic ….is when our feelings, thoughts and beliefs match our words and actions.
Honesty and Self-awareness…is talking about what's really going on in our heart and mind. It’s understanding and acknowledging strengths and weaknesses in others and ourselves.
Truthfulness…is when we are living a life true to our soul’s needs and desires, and disclosing what is real in us with others.
Self-intimacy—is the same as above but applied to just yourself.
When we are struggling in our relationships, it is often because one or more of the six types of intimacy are undeveloped within the relationship or within ourselves.
Assess your relationship in each of the six types of intimacy. Give yourself or your relationship a score between 1 and 10 on each type of intimacy.
1.____Physical Intimacy
2.____Intellectual Intimacy
3.____Emotional Intimacy
4.____Verbal Intimacy
5.____Spiritual Intimacy
6.____Social Intimacy
Discuss your answers with each other and establish goals to improve in each of these areas. Whatever is missing, you must look at your own level of intimacy with yourself. We are only attracted to others who are functioning at the same level as us. For instance, your partner may not be developed in verbal intimacy but you may be lacking in spiritual intimacy, so the final ‘score’ is equal.
Take some time to reflect on your level of intimacy with yourself and in your relationships. You have chosen the Intimacy Card because it is now time to embark on the journey towards deeper intimacy with yourself and with others!
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