Death

Not a great topic to talk about, but I feel like one that should be talked about more.  I remember as a child being so afraid of death - especially me dying or my parents.  I didn't have any reason for it, as I didn't lose anyone near to me until I was a teenager.  We learned this prayer early:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I shall die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

I don't know if that had something to with this fear or not.  I have found this version after I had kids:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
thy angels watch me through the night,
And keep me safe till morning's light

I like it better.  To me, especially for kids, it feels safer.

Well, back to the topic.  Last week, we had the news of church friend's husband dying.  My heart just hurt for them.  She's a wonderful person and always upbeat and always willing to help out where she can.  So it affected me, because I've been there - not with husband, but I lost my daughter and when I was younger, my grandmother and cousin.

I also have read other perspectives on what to say in these circumstances.  There to me is no "right" way to express how bad you feel for the person.  Everyone is different.  Like me, I tried hard to keep it together as I'm a very private person when it comes to something that deep - like grief.  I like to be alone if I fall apart.  I'm pretty sure she's the same way.  She's going to be so busy with the arrangements and all the good wishes, that it probably won't really hit her until she is alone with no busy stuff to do.

When I lost Sarah, I didn't mind the "I'm sorry for your loss" or the other "mindless" phrases.  It's a hard situation to be in for both parties.  People when they say that, don't want to overwhelm others or don't have a clue what to say - so that comes out.  I truly didn't mind.  There is no right thing to come out of that situation, other than seeing the support you do have for you and your family.

All I can say - is be there for them.  I love the "making them dinner" - but if you've truly been in that position, honestly, you really don't feel like eating.  The best thing I think you can do for them is offer them an ear (if they want) or a hug.  A hug expresses so much more than words ever can.

So, the viewing and everything is happening for her this week.  I can't attend because I have training I have to do.  So my plan is to send her a card, after the initial stuff is done.  Offer her a hug at church should she be there.  Tell her, I'm available for an ear should she need it.  Sometimes it helps coming from someone not so close to you to be able to talk about things.

So after all of this.. let me finish by saying, it's alright not to have the words.  Just be there for them, anyway you can, even if they don't want it right that moment.

Feelings...

it's amazing how our feelings can make or break our day.  I'm dealing with a sciatic/muscle issue and have been for some time, but I recently had a massage, which apparently is now making it hurt more.  To the point of me not actually sleeping well.  Well two nights worth of not sleeping -- needless to say I wasn't able to drive to work today.  Guess that was a good sign, because I saw later the road(s) I would have been driving were backed up and I probably would have been sitting for hours in traffic.

I did some research to figure out what this thing is and apparently it's a muscle that runs along the line of where the sciatic nerve is and is acting like a charlie horse and messing with the nerve when it cramps.  The only thing that helps is stretching.

Recently I received a card reading where one card actually said to do Yoga.  Talk about a sign.  So, I haven't started yet, but I'm planning on it.  But I looked up what kind of stretching works for this muscle to help it and been trying to do some of those.  Can't do them all because of the pain, but I'm working on it.

Because of the pain, because of the not sleeping - I really have not been in the best of moods.  Not good for what I'm trying to accomplish.  But I keep trying.  So tonight I took time to sit and really play with my kids.  I needed their laughter to help me up, considering how I feel.  It felt good just playing like a kid for a change.

So I'm taking my time tonight to be grateful for the things that did go right today and hopefully will have a better night.

Thoughts and Emotions

I normally don't usually have time to write on the weekends because I'm usually busy with the house and the kids, but for some reason, I have some time today.  So I was like -- hmm, what should I blog about today?  After my last post of having too many ideas, I'm sitting here totally blank.

So I decided to talk to you today about the class I'm taking (yes, again).  I started week 3.  This time we had to do a worksheet that we put in a column of what we didn't want (on the area we are working on).  The second column was to then put the "why" to the first.  Why don't we want those things.  I had a lot of things in the first column, but when I got to the second, I realized most of my why's are the "same" reason.

A feeling of being a failure or not a good provider along with making me worry and feel bad.

So I have to work around those emotions.  Change them around to positive affirmations.  Not that I can do this, but I'm already doing this and making my dreams reality.

Because I'm re-focusing how I look at my life and trying to be more positive -- I'm finding a lot of negative stuff coming up.  My body apparently is fighting this too - as I have an issue that is not going away and it's causing me to dip into that negativity.  So I really need something to change for the positive.

So I've been trying to listen to different music that keeps me positive. I'm trying to be very thankful for the wonderful neighbors we've been given.

A friend had a channeled reading answering question(s) that you had from the Akashic Records.  I decided to give the person a try.  It was one I had looked at earlier.  Basically, he confirmed to me what I need to be doing and that it's coming.  If that's not a good positive kick in the you know what - I don't know what would be. 

So onward with my lessons and mission to become the best healer I can be for me and others.

What to do when

you have 2 choices to choose from.  This is me consistently.  I guess I have too many ideas running around through my head.  I have no idea if it's a lesson I need to be learning (choosing a better option than another) and I'm not learning, so it keeps coming back to me to see if I'll make the "better" choice this time.

To be honest, I wish I did know.  Would make life that much easier. :D  But in saying that, part of living life is living the choices we make.  I mean how much fun would it be if you knew all the answers and knew exactly what you are going to do in that moment?

Sometimes it might be nice, but all the time?  Don't think so.  You then lose the joy out of the little moments that take you by surprise.  Like my neighbors.  When I feel overwhelmed by something that my husband should be doing and isn't (without me nagging) and I'm about to do, they're already willing to go out to do.  I'm so blessed to have them to help out.  I love them so much, I've even imagined when I get my big winnings, I would build them a house near to me so we could still be neighbors :D

So my decision today was what the blog was going to be about.  I couldn't decide if I should do a section on "joy" - like I did with my other one or do the card reading.  Guess I decided to go with a 3rd option which is something different :)

This morning I'm a bit tired, trying to get awake to drive and I think of the song "Joyful, Joyful" -- so if you want to read about those thoughts -- go here:  http://www.healingsbyharmonize.com/1/post/2013/07/joyful-joyful.html

But I started driving along listening to my upbeat songs and got this one:

This was my first glimpse of the Artist Mandisa.  I have found I really love a lot of her songs.  She has upbeat ones like this, but also very poignant ones as well.  While listening to it, I saw this view and had to take a picture:

It makes me feel good watching sunrises and sunsets.  There's something magical about them to me.  Always have been.  So I was inspired to write a brief poem about sunrises:

Sunrises, a start to the day
A brand-new beginning for those who need it
A continuation of the promises made before for others
The light of God that helps us create and continue life
Peeking over horizon.. giving us a glimpse of a brand-new day
Giving us hope that the day will be wondrous if we just let it
Hope
Clean-slate
God the Artist, who shows us the pallet of colors
Sunrises, a start to the day

I love how...

I seem to "heal" other people's issues.  Sometimes it's just a matter of me talking to them.  I'm seeing all sorts of breakthroughs on individuals where I've posted a message to them of encouragement as well as in real life.

So then I have to ask myself, why isn't it working for me?  Do I just have really deep seated issues that I'm not even aware of and it's going to take more time for me?  I don't want to believe that.  I want to believe that if I conceive and believe I can achieve and it doesn't take that much time to do.

But here I am.  Still feels like I'm spinning my wheels.  Spiritual, Emotionally, Physically.  I want that breakthrough that will propel me forward.

I woke up very tired this morning.  Was a hard day physically for me yesterday.  It's raining and I just feel down.  Normally when I feel that way, I start with my gratitudes.  I say at least 5 of them and that usually does the trick.  Nope, not today.  As I'm driving, I'm hitting every light I can in town.  Which normally would put me into another meltdown.  Today, I just keep repeating different gratitudes.

Driving in, hit some commuter traffic.  I finally decide to put on my "upbeat" music.  These are songs that have meaning and usually some good dance tunes.  Make me very happy (usually).  I noticed today that it's not as affective as it normally is.  I'm happier, but still have what feels like a physical pain around my heart.  I'm working hard at trying to remove it.

So I'm hopeful that this will get resolved and I will be the one finally moving forward where I need to be.

Blessings to everyone that reads this today!

USM Course

I'm currently taking a course called the "Ultimate Success Masterclass".  I'm only into week 2 and this week we were to state our intention and goals.

Now the course says to print out the sheet and post it on your bathroom mirror and say the statement out loud to yourself every morning.  Well, I decided not to do that, but something different.

I printed not 1 copy - but 3.  One is hung up at work where I can see it, one is in my car (these are 2 places I'm usually at during the week) and the final one is hung up in my bedroom where I can see it before I go to sleep.

I also went a step further.  I recorded a video of my intention and goal and posted it to You Tube.  Here take a look:

 

It's interesting going through this process (it's 12 weeks in total).  I thought myself a pretty positive person, but going through all these exercises, I'm finding negative stuff bubbling up out of me.  So I'm really hopeful (I think for the first time) that this process will make me successful and get me what I want.

While saying my intention and goal over and over on the commute in today - I started visualizing things that when I have the money I would do.  One was work in fashion.  I'm not an artist (don't ask me to draw LOL) and I can't sew.  But I have ideas.  My eldest child is 7.  Due to her congenital scoliosis she currently in a size 14/16.  Do you know what kind of clothes are out there for "that size?"  I would love to work with someone to make clothes that look like kid's clothes - not mini fashionistas (or worse).  I'd also like to work with someone on plus size clothes.  There is a  market and very few people are working it.  There are just some things that a big person should not wear.  I get wanting to be hip and fashionable - but there's a limit to what we can actually pull off.

Now I can really see this happening in my mind.  It's not anything I even dreamed of before.  Sewing for my daughter yes, wishing plus size stuff actually fit - yes, but actually doing something like working with fashion people to get this done-- no.

So, today, I'm very positive in what I'm seeing come to me as ideas that might help me along my goal.  Only time will tell!

What are your dreams and goals?

Dealing with Adversity

Throughout our lives, we often get adversity in our path.  It's up to us on how we treat that adversity that will affect our life at that moment and in the future.

Now I'm a bit of a control "freak".  I handle things better when I know where it's coming from.  However, there are times you don't always have the "time" to get prepared.  So you have to just go with the flow.

It's those moments that you really get to know yourself.  It's also a pivotal point on how you deal with life in general. 

I have had my moments, probably a lot of them, where I didn't have time to get the information or was put into a situation where I had to react not think.  I think the trick here is not to panic.  Breathing for me is key.  I really work on trying not to react - or react badly to these situations.

Doesn't always happen, but the more I work on controlling the bad impulses, the better I get at it every time another one comes up.

So, my first challenge was a bad marriage.  I totally lost myself there for awhile.  I let him control me.  Which looking back, I'm still amazed that even happened.  Before I met him, I was joyous and happy and knew what I wanted, although a bit naive.  Through bad situations at work and then him constantly whittling away that confidence, I truly had nothing.  Thankfully, he liked to play an online game and I had to as well.  I met people online that I was able to talk to who kind of "woke me up" from what he was doing.  I also had earth angels that helped me when I really needed it.  I eventually left him.

The sad thing was, he was a great friend.  Just not good at relationships.  Or maybe just ours.

The second major thing that happened when I was pregnant my eldest daughter.  During a scan, they found some things that didn't look good for her.  They wanted answers and wanted to do an amnio.  I was alone when it happened.  I luckily breathed my way through that and broke down later.  She then ended up having open heart surgery at 8 days old.  She's had other issues we've had to deal with as well. 

I'm not a religious person, however, I do believe in God and truly believe he doesn't give us anymore than we can handle.  I know that sounds corny - but he knows us inside and out - so he knows what we can handle or not.

I didn't come to this belief until my second pregnancy where my other daughter was born with Trisomy 18 and major health issues.  She died 2 days after she was born.  I look at others who lose before the baby is full term or at birth as well as children dying down the line - there's nuisances in all these scenarios on how the parents must feel.  Regardless - it's still a loss.  No matter how prepared you thought yourself - you're truly not really prepared.

So life keeps throwing things at me and I keep trying to see the positives and lessons from these things and hopefully making the good choices that help me continue on my path the "right" way.