Death

Not a great topic to talk about, but I feel like one that should be talked about more.  I remember as a child being so afraid of death - especially me dying or my parents.  I didn't have any reason for it, as I didn't lose anyone near to me until I was a teenager.  We learned this prayer early:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I shall die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

I don't know if that had something to with this fear or not.  I have found this version after I had kids:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
thy angels watch me through the night,
And keep me safe till morning's light

I like it better.  To me, especially for kids, it feels safer.

Well, back to the topic.  Last week, we had the news of church friend's husband dying.  My heart just hurt for them.  She's a wonderful person and always upbeat and always willing to help out where she can.  So it affected me, because I've been there - not with husband, but I lost my daughter and when I was younger, my grandmother and cousin.

I also have read other perspectives on what to say in these circumstances.  There to me is no "right" way to express how bad you feel for the person.  Everyone is different.  Like me, I tried hard to keep it together as I'm a very private person when it comes to something that deep - like grief.  I like to be alone if I fall apart.  I'm pretty sure she's the same way.  She's going to be so busy with the arrangements and all the good wishes, that it probably won't really hit her until she is alone with no busy stuff to do.

When I lost Sarah, I didn't mind the "I'm sorry for your loss" or the other "mindless" phrases.  It's a hard situation to be in for both parties.  People when they say that, don't want to overwhelm others or don't have a clue what to say - so that comes out.  I truly didn't mind.  There is no right thing to come out of that situation, other than seeing the support you do have for you and your family.

All I can say - is be there for them.  I love the "making them dinner" - but if you've truly been in that position, honestly, you really don't feel like eating.  The best thing I think you can do for them is offer them an ear (if they want) or a hug.  A hug expresses so much more than words ever can.

So, the viewing and everything is happening for her this week.  I can't attend because I have training I have to do.  So my plan is to send her a card, after the initial stuff is done.  Offer her a hug at church should she be there.  Tell her, I'm available for an ear should she need it.  Sometimes it helps coming from someone not so close to you to be able to talk about things.

So after all of this.. let me finish by saying, it's alright not to have the words.  Just be there for them, anyway you can, even if they don't want it right that moment.