So here's a quandary... I'm spiritual but believe in God/Jesus. Why you ask? Because I actually "met" both at one point.
I was 18 at my favorite church camp for a week, but they made a change that year by allowing instead of 9-12 grade to include 7th & 8th. Not that it was a "bad" thing, but the camp that year vibe had changed. Many of the younger crowd didn't understand how this camp worked and how those of us who had been here for years got a chance to show our spirituality without any repercussions from anyone else. You were free to be you and worship and give different ideas. Great, great camp that I still remember fondly.
The new people were almost rude to those of us who had been there for years. They were even bordering on rude to the Minister/Director and Counselors. One of the favorite past-times was in the evening to have a bonfire at the beach of the lake. Here we got to do our ministry. Sing songs, talk about God and Jesus and mainly share our love we had for each other. The first one we had, the new kids were not paying attention, were not sitting down with us, in fact a few were some feet away from where the majority of us were. You know it was bad, when the Director asked me if I had any ideas. Which of course I did. I had this song (non-Christian) that was so on point with the spirit of the camp, so I ran up to get my tape recorder (yes I'm dating myself) quickly taped me playing the song and then ran back to sing it to everyone. Believe it or not, one by one the new kids came to the bonfire. Tears running down their faces and on ours.
So the Director decided we needed to go up to meet at a place in about 10 minutes for a big group hug. I don't know what really happened from that point, because here I brought them together and all of sudden I'm shunned (or my perception). I went somewhere else to figure out what was happening inside me while waiting for someone to come grab me for the circle. No one came. For some reason I was despondent. This had happened to me my entire life ... bringing people together, but being on the outside. At that point in my life, I was done with it. I figured life would be better without me and looked seriously at a way I could just end my life. We had this tire hanging equipment and I figured I could untie and hang myself. As I'm planning this, I hear a very loud and loving voice. Said one thing to me. "Wait". I'm like wait until when? Then I heard "Give it a day". There are no words to describe the feeling that voice brought to me .. I mean I was in tears it was just so loving. I knew at once that was God.
I walked back to the cabin where everyone was talking about how great the hug circle was and no one even noticed I wasn't there. I did give it a day. Luckily for me, someone "new" found me and became the ear I needed to get all of the sadness out. And as you can see by me writing this.. I'm still alive and kicking :)
I didn't know it at the time that I had these gifts, but looking back, I'm sure I just was way overwhelmed by all the emotions and didn't know how to shield/ground or any of that and being an empath, over loaded.
I've had turbulent times later on, but I still remember how that voice was and I could feel God's Love for ME. So I know God loves us and wants only for us to live life and be all that we can be. I can also relate in losing a child, so the courage it took for Jesus to die for us and God's love to bring him back. It's just a gift. Appreciate not only this weekend, but for all time. Know that God along with others around here on this place we call Earth are here for you. And for anyone that is thinking of taking their own life -- talk to someone -- anyone, someone will listen and understand. Most people if they looked at me, would never believe my thoughts ever went that direction. But you can't judge people by a cover. And if by chance you're reading this blog entry -- feel free to contact me. I am ALWAYS willing to listen and not judge. Everyone should have at least one person in their life that is like that and guess what, besides me -- God and Jesus along with a host of angels and guides are too willing to listen and give you unconditional love. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment