Picking battles

Have you ever had that person that always had to pick your battles with?  Well for me, it's always my husband and it's usually always about my kids.

If you don't know much about me, I have had 4 children, 3 are living and 2 are considered special needs.  The other one, well he too has issues.

My eldest was born with a heart condition (Pulmonary Atresia/Tetrology of Fallot), kidney issues (2/3 working kidney) and spine issue (congenital scoliosis).

My second was born with various health issues (heart, cleft lip/palate, and esophigal atresia) due to Trisomy 18 Edward's Syndrome.  She died 2 days after she was born.

Not long after we lost her, I found out I was pregnant again  -- this time with Twins.  We thought we had lucked out, but my girl twin (and youngest) has a brain condition that I've yet to find anyone with her "same or similar" condition.  So not only is she delayed developmentally, she also had to deal with Congenital Estrophia (eyes). 

The boy twin (middle child) is physically healthy, but is having speech issues.

It started out with the eldest.  I had no idea that there were special services.  Someone from the hospital put forth our names for her.  She ended up with occupational therapy (OT) and physical therapy (PT).  To the point she didn't need it, so we thought.  Turns out when she got to school, she still needed some assistance and a thing called a 504 which I had to do research on because I hadn't heard of it.

So when my  youngest came along, I knew what I needed to do.  Unfortunately my husband has fought me on trying to get assistance.  I eventually get my way and then he sees the difference that its' done for her.

But heaven forbid there was something wrong with my son.  I couldn't understand him.  What's worse.. neither could my husband.  Not being the parent home with him, it's frightening that I understood him better than the parent that was with him all day long.

So I took time off to get him assessed on his speech.  Hubby wouldn't take him.  And guess what?  He was behind.  So there for awhile we ended up with speech assistance.  He was making good progress there for awhile, though not as quickly has hubby wanted.  So they moved him to the preschool that my youngest goes to.  He still got his speech there and he got to interact with other adults beside hubby and myself as well as playing with other kids. 

Well he just got reassessed again.  I was hopeful that this time he had passed, because I could understand so much more than before.  I just got a call.  Turns out no he hadn't passed.  In fact they want to continue services with him.  It's up to us what we want to do.  I know what the hubby would pick in a heart beat .. none.  Me, I'd like him to continue. 

I wish I didn't have to battle my husband on every little thing that comes up dealing with the kids.  In most cases, I'm correct in my assessment of them.  It feels like he doesn't think I have their best interest at heart.  When in actuality it's all I have.  I often put their needs before anyone elses. 

My eldest saw that a book had been ripped and was fixing it with scotch tape.  Hubby had a fit.  But at that time didn't do anything.  Well she ran out of tape.  So she was showing me another one she found and if it was ok to use.  Well he went ballistic and told her to stop and that he was going to get the "correct" tape to use.  She was in tears.  He was adamant that she wasn't going to continue doing it.  So he "offered" to her to help him doing.  Stating that he often needed an extra set of hands to do it. 

It was heartbreaking to see him treat her that way.  What's worse is after it was done, she came over to me and said that he didn't trust her that she couldn't do anything.  This is where I told her about picking battles.  Certain things were worth fighting him over and this is one of those things that it wasn't worth fighting him.  I told her I thought she was great and I let her do a lot of things.  I figure if I don't let her do things now, she's not going to learn how to correctly let alone want to later.

I mean I pick my battles to fight for the kids and getting them help.  It gets really tiring fighting all the time.  But I do it for their good.  I remember growing up being left out of conversations or feeling like I couldn't do things.. I don't want that for my kids.  Life will knock them down enough.  I don't need to help.

So send prayers my way please.. I have to battle again...