Monday, September 30, 2013

Day 30 - Spiritual

We are here at the last day of the 30 days I AM challenge.  It's kind of nice yet I'll miss it because it's done.  For me it was really interesting trying to come up with some labels and yet some were so easy to write about.

My last day, I decided to chose the label SPIRITUAL.  Too often that label has misconceptions.

Now, let me start by saying I was raised as a Presbyterian.  So I do believe in God and Jesus and the angels.

My parents were involved in the church, so we were there more often than not.  I attended Sunday school, church and youth group.  But what I did every summer from 7th to 12th grade was attend a church camp.  It went for a week.  I got so much out of that time.  We had music art and drama infused with a message.  It was great.  That week usually sustained me the whole year.  It was a place where we were able to talk open and freely about anything without repercussions.

It was my 12th grade year when I knew God existed.  I was considering suicide and he spoke to me.  Now I know that sounds corny and such, but it was real.  I heard a voice in my head telling me to wait a day.  It was filled with such joy and love and it filled me with it that to this day, no matter how bad things get, I think back to that moment and it's all aright again.  I used to even be afraid of dying and now I think of that moment where I'll get to experience that energy again and it makes everything alright.  And I can't really explain it well -- other than total acceptance and ultimate love.

Now, I've always been interested in the Metaphysical.  Astrology, Tarot, etc.  I even started having clairvoyant things happen to me in my 20's but didn't have anyone guiding me.  So I shut the door.

In my 30's I felt like even without guidance, I could handle it, but who knew I shut the door so well.  Slowly, bit by bit, things started coming back.  It was only a few years ago, when I started hearing "voices" in my head.  They were my guides and then the Archangels.  I also found I could help people with physical ailments - using my mind.  I could actually heal them. 

I then not long ago was bemoaning what was my purpose with this - as I work full time and am the paycheck and I just didn't know what my path was supposed to be.  Jesus came to me.  He had before and his energy is just like God's, just subtler.  This time, I felt him take my face in his hands and tell me that I'm to heal the world.  Well who am I to say no to Jesus.  I still have no idea how to do it, but I keep trying to spread the love.  It's all I can do right now.

Now spiritually, I know there are a lot of different religions.  But who's to say that they might not be actually the one and the same.  Cultures are different so it has to be presented differently.  If not the same, they are close enough.  So I may not be "religious" and personally don't want to be, I like to say I'm Spiritual - and that means I have my own faith and use what I know and believe to be right in my heart for me.  Which for some could be wild ideas.  But I'm OK with it because not everyone is in that same understanding.  They have to do for them what they feel is right.

In my SPIRITUALNESS - I am loving and kind, open and willing to listen and INFINITE in his grace.

Day 29 - Clean yet messy

OK, I had to do this label.  Mainly because of what's going on in my life.  Growing up, I was the "messy" child.  My room a mess.  I had a path from my bed to my dresser, door, and closet.  But don't be surprised seeing clothes and dolls and toys and books and anything else you could think of on the floor or under the bed.  My closet was full too.  I kind of was a hoarder.   I was blessed with parents that just kind of kept the door closed.

Now, my habits didn't really change until college.  Why is that you say?  Because at home, I wasn't in my room 24/7 - I had other areas in the house or outside to hang out.  College, you have a few places, but you spend a lot of time in the room.  Plus you had to share the room with someone else.

The first person I lived with was a neat freak.  Not good with a younger and messier person.  Needless to say we didn't last long.  But I did pick up a few better habits.  I moved in with my friend 2 doors down and she was messy.  I mean, I think she was worse than me.  But we made it work.  I stayed with her longer than any other roommate did - including her best friend from High School.  But we parted ways.  Then I found my soul-mate of a roommate.  She and I were a lot a like in our cleaning habits.  Net, but messy.  Unless we were upset, then the room sparkled!  Luckily that happened with her and then by me.. never at the same time.  Which worked out for us.  She unfortunately had to drop out after the one semester, but by then, I had a standard - Clean yet messy.  Never dirty/filthy.

I did student teaching with a bunch of people and they roomed 5 girls together.  Over all we were pretty clean in comparison - I mean parties usually were held in our house.  My actual roommate while there - well we both were a bit of a mess, but we manged.

Then after graduating college, I moved in with my boyfriend.  He wasn't "dirty" per se - at least initially, but left stuff out and about.  Because I didn't have a job initially, I kept the apartment clean and cooked and stuff.  So over all it wasn't bad.  Until I started working.  Then it kept getting worse and worse and me doing the majority of work to try and keep it up.  This wasn't the reason I divorced him, but I definitely was tired of doing it.

Having my own place was LOVELY.  Things were where they were supposed to be and if I didn't feel like cleaning, it was OK, but I knew I would get it done the next.  So I never felt stressed if people were coming for a visit.

Then I met someone.  When we first started dating, I was impressed, he kept helping around the apartment.  But once we moved into a house.. and he stayed home with our daughter.. it just kept getting worse and worse.  Add 2 more pregnancies and twins.. you get the message.

So, I have become "that" person.  Not that I'm neat by any means, but when you have kids you have to keep it clean.  I'm talking dusting and vacuuming and making sure you don't leave dishes out that mold and stuff.  I'm also trying to teach my kids to pick up things.  Especially while they're young.  My 7 year old folds her own clothes and puts them away.  She also likes to help dust and vacuum and will now even put dishes in the dishwasher.

In fact, I spent most of my Saturday cleaning up (again).  Someday soon, I'm just going to get someone in to do it all for me and tell the hubby he keeps it up or he's out (to refer back to a Project Runway -- Reality TV Junkie remember?)

Time will tell.  So I'm still messy - though I try and be more organized, too organized and I can't find anything.  But clean I am accepting that label finally.  How about you?

Day 28 - Book Lover

OK, in a previous post, I wrote about wanting to write and be an author.  I got that love of doing that and creating stories, but reading.  From an early age, I read.  My parents would turn on a light and let me read, until I became sleepy.

Growing up, we didn't have computers or cable TV, so it was either play outside, or read.  I did a bit of both, but if it came down to it, I was a bookworm through and through.  And it showed at school.  I was in the higher reading group, during our free time I was usually reading.  My librarian knew me well.  My Mom, also worked in our public library for a brief time, so I remember getting spend all sorts of time there reading.  What great memories.

Now, I even have one time during a study hall, where I was so engrossed in my book, I had no idea what was going on around me.  The kids apparently were causing trouble.  I only looked up when I heard the door slam open and our 6'3 principal yell, "What is going on here?  The only person I see doing anything constructive is Erin."  Oh goody me.  My love of reading made me stand out in Junior High!  Yeah me!  So instead of study hall, they made it kind of a detention.  They put certain people up at the top of the row of desks and the only person in that same row could talk to was the one at the top of their row.  Guess who go to be it.  Yup.  Thank you teachers!  Now I couldn't read in peace because I had to have the most talkative group.

Moving on to high school.  I want to say it was my Sophomore year.  English class we were to read a book and do a book report.  I choose Gone with the Wind.  I had read it in the past, but it was going to be an easy book to report on.  However, not long after I chose that book, my History teacher decided to talk about the Civil War by playing the movie Gone with the Wind.  So of course, when I went to give my book report, kids in my class just happened to mention to the teacher that we were watching the movie in History.  So of course she looks at me and says ok, what can you tell me about the book that isn't in the movie.  Of course I could, anyone who had actually read all 1037 pages could.  So I started listing the things for her.  Boy were the kids shamefaced thinking that me -- the person they know reads.. actually read.  Gotta love high school.

I kept my literary stuff going on.  I read so much that most of my paycheck went to books.  I had bins of them.  However, it got to a point, to show my husband how much I was serious about getting rid of things, that I did just that.  I think I kept just a few series that I really liked, the rest gone. 

Then I invested in a Kindle.  I'm in heaven.  With the kindle and a prime membership you can rent once a month certain books to check out.  Authors even offer specials (aka FREE) from time to time.  You just have to be on top of it.

I will probably keep reading until my eyes can't anymore.  And now with technology - we have audio books on mp3 - so I could hear them.  So, until books are no longer published.. I will continue to be a Book Lover.

Day 27 - Non-Judgmental

Today my label is Non-Judgmental.  This is a label I claim proudly.  Too often in this society we judge people.  And trust me, I wasn't always non-judgmental.  I was just like everyone else.  Then something happened where I was interested in people that weren't like me.

I worked in a video store where a woman and her disabled son came in to get movies every once in awhile.  He was in a wheelchair and had a board where he could talk from.  Pretty good for back in those days.  Well, he loved telling me jokes.  His Mom was very appreciative of me treating him "just like normal"  and I thought to myself at that point, why wouldn't I.  From that moment I realized I had been judging people without giving them a benefit of a doubt.  I tried from then not to do that.  Even when I'd hear their stories, I'd try not to judge.  It wasn't up to me to do that.  If there were things I didn't agree with and a core level, I still didn't judge, I just may not associate, because it went against who I was becoming.

Then came my time of things I'm not proud of.  I would hope no one would judge me  - but I know the world we live in does just that.  So I really make it a point not to do it to others.  So I tend to attract quirky kind of people around me.  You know what - it makes life interesting.  And if I can be that one person that accepts them for them, it can make all the difference to that person.  And that's a great feeling to know you have at least one that won't judge.  I like that I can be that to people.  I may not understand everything, but no judgement here.  Not my place to do it.


Friday, September 27, 2013

Day 26 - Friend

OK.  People think friends and thing oh I have so many.  When in reality more than likely they only have acquaintances.  For me, the following are what I consider friend qualities:

1) Honest to a fault - tells you the truth even if  you don't want to hear it.
2) There for you - good or bad
3) Likes to get goofy with you

Now, how many of your "friends" fall into that category?

I'm blessed in that I have a few that are like that.  Some are local and some live far away.  But they are there for me.  Unlike some I've had in real life that can only seem to be there when I'm in a good place - so they can complain to me.  Or worse when a "friend" decided to betray me by saying something behind my back.

I'd like to think I too am a good friend.  I am always willing to lend a listening ear or help (when I am able) to anyone.  I will tell you the truth, I will offer advice, however I will not push it down your throat.  And I love being goofy.  Let's gush about some movie hearthrob or talk about something we've read or dance with our kids.

I often go out for my friends.  And in the past, it wasn't really reciprocated.  However, I've been lucky in the past few years to have some of those types of friends.  I am grateful for every single one of them.  And for my friends who are reading this -- you know who you are!  LOVE YA!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Day 25 - Energy Reader

This is one of my more favorite labels to claim.  I just recently was able to read people energy.  Not only that I was able to make a picture of what I see.  It's quite the concept  of taking a picture -- I usually go with colors that hit me and then manipulate it or a couple of different pictures until it says it's "finished".

It combines the two things I love to do.. pictures (remember my frustrated artist post?) and reading people.  My third love would be the healing - which I can also put into the pictures.

I'm just going to show you some of my work that I've done to give you an idea of what I do with it.





Now here's my plug -- if you'd like one you can go to one of two places - www.healingsbyharmonize.com or fiverr.com.  I've got a special on fiverr that will allow you to only pay $5 for a picture of your own (http://fiverr.com/kerina313/create-your-energy-picture).  Or you can pay full price.  Every once in awhile, I actually even will do on free -- but you have to watch my twitter account. (@divinepathways1).

Everyone's energy is different.. take a look and see what if anything you can see in the pictures.  


Day 24 - Humorous

I'm not sure the label today should say Humorous.  I can be funny, but not hysterical funny.  I'm not sure what to call the label other than, humorous though.  Let me explain.  I find life in general funny.  Situations especially around me can be funny.  I may even laugh at a "wrong" time because I found something funny.  And even when I don't mean to, sometimes I offend others finding things funny.

Life is too short.  Got to find joy where you can.  And you know what?  Laughter can take you there.

Now, I have been through a lot in my life.  Younger I was full of life and laughter and a listening ear if you needed it.  Some of the joy left me during part of my life, but now having my kids, I'm finding it all over again.  There's nothing more I like than to make someone smile - even if it's at the expense of me.  I have some friends that need to loosen up a bit more so I keep working on them.

There's nothing more precious to see someone who is having or had a bad day all of a sudden laugh at your antics or joke or story.. it's like the weight of the world has been taken off their shoulders.  Such a feeling to share.

So my humor is often sarcastic - but I blame that for some of the company I kept when growing up (boys).  And often it comes out of left field and can be considered "in the gutter".  Can't help it.  Just who I am.

So if you see me smiling to myself - you'll have to wonder what it is that's making me do so.. and don't be surprised sometime if  I end your story or sentence with "Oh Really?"

How can you be humorous?


Day 23 - Realist

OK, most people know what a pessimist and optimist are, but few realize what a realist is.  So here's an example that should explain it.

You put a glass 1/2 full of water and ask each of them how they see the glass of water:

Pessimist - that glass is 1/2 empty
Optimist - that glass is 1/2 full
Realist - it's a 1/2 glass of water.

Realists often see what is really there and not read into situation with their emotions.  I'd like to say I'm a Realist with optimism.  That's really the label I'm all about.  I see things plainly, but lately I try to see the good in the situation, no matter how bad it may make my heart feel.  But, it's a great way of seeing the world.

How about you?  How do you see it?


Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Day 22 - Skeptic

I AM a Skeptic.  Well, that's not entirely true.  Once upon a time I wasn't.  Trusted everyone at face value.  And usually got hurt in the process, as not everyone is as trusting as I used to be.

Then I met a true skeptic.  My first husband.  Now, we were friends long before that changed into dating.  As a friend he's was great.  But I remember him talking after one of his counseling classes (yes, he was a psychology and counseling major) and him saying that he'd hate to be the person in counseling with him (as a person needing-not giving) because I could turn it around on either the counselor or the other person.  Now I remembered that comment and when he brought up counseling when I suggested divorce.. umm nope!  But anyway, I digress.  He truly was a skeptic in every sense.  What did this person want from him?  Now, I was very naive back then, so having him in my corner - probably a good thing!

So enough time with him (14 to exact) I started being that skeptical too.  Except, it's not really part of my DNA.  But I continued questioning everything and sometimes everyone. To the point of alienating people.

But then I started swinging back to my old ways.  But I kept just enough of the skepticism  to be more aware of things.

Since starting my spiritual path I've had to learn to go with my intuition.  Which means letting go of the skepticism.  That's been hard to do, since my path was laid out so well with being only moderately skeptical.

But, I'm slowly losing that label of Skeptic.  Which I'm happy about.  You can be wise without being skeptical.

Day 21 - Loving

I AM Loving.  I totally claim this label.  I try to be loving to all people.  I used to deal with anger issues and rude people and you know what I found?  If you put anger and rudeness to people that are doing it to you .. all you get is more angry and more rude.  You put love forth and it dissipates.  Love is the higher vibration.  Coming to this conclusion, I now on my commute,  when people almost hit me to get in front and just a car or two ahead where they were.. I just bless them.  May they get to where they need to go safely and not get into any accident.  Now that's way better to react than how I used to -- getting angry.

Have you noticed that when you're angry and then it goes away how tired you are?  Yet with love, you're still energized.  Not only that you feel Happy.  Who wouldn't want that feeling?

I know almost a year ago I started on the path of love and it's been a rollercoaster ride for me.  Highs and lows.. and yet I keep coming out stronger for it.  There is no other feeling like love and giving it freely to others to help them.

Like my children.  There are times where they do something wrong but I try where ever I can to treat it with love as well as discipline.  I want them to feel safe in working with me even when they've done something wrong.  Too often we as parents make our kids feel bad or unsafe if something bad happens.  So when something really bad happens, we are left out of the loop and it goes from bad to worse.  I want my children to feel safe to come to me with anything.. good or bad.  And together we'll find a solution.

With my loving role, I find that I'm helping complete strangers.  Sometime in just interacting with them.  Many are looking for acceptance.  Many have not found it.  They always seem in surprise when they tell me stuff about themselves thinking to shock me and I just accept them.  Who am I to judge how they reacted or what they did back when.  Not my place. 

I could go on and on about this topic.. but you get the gist.. I am LOVING and I LOVE being this label 110%.  How about you? Can you be more loving to others?  And if you do, what results does it bring to you?

Day 20 - Dreamer

OK, this label for me has good and bad points.  First off, there is nothing greater than being able to dream about something.  Dreams help keep hope alive.  Hope is what this world needs.  There's nothing harmful in dreaming, unless it becomes your reality.

I remember being little and having vivid daydreams.  I could also get caught up in movies.  I remember being in elementary watching one and jumping up yelling something because I was so caught up.

That's perhaps why I like reading - I can see the images in my head.  Hear the dialogue.  I use my daydreaming in my spirituality - I call it visualizing.  Thankfully I'm very good at it.  I like using my day dreaming ability at night before bed.  It helps me get restful in order to sleep plus it usually puts me in a good place for good dreams as well.

However, I do have a down side of dreaming as well.  It's called keeping the head in the clouds.  Too often I let dream world take me away from the real one.  I mean who wouldn't?  Sometimes the real world can be cruel and harsh and I take my Pisces background very seriously... there goes the dreamworld.

Dreams can also encompass other things as far as I'm concerned - movies, TV, books.. you name it what ever it is that takes you mind off the real world for awhile.  It allows us to recharge our batteries and they so need it a lot of times.

However, do not let it rule you.  Make sure you're only doing your dreaming at appropriate times.  For me, I have a long commute.  So I "pretend" I'm on dancing with the stars or on the Ellen show promoting my book, or teaching my new spiritual course.  Hey - it passes time and it's good for me to keep that positive energy flowing.  And who knows?  Maybe my dreams will come true..

So Dreamer -- I claim you proudly!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Day 19 - Teacher/Trainer

Today I am claiming the label Teacher and/or Trainer.  It seems I have always been this way.  I was the translator between the brainiacs and the others in school.  I sometimes even had to explain things the teachers were saying to others.

But I initially didn't want to be a teacher.  I saw on Good Morning America when I was in 7th grade where they had a paraplegic riding a bicycle.  They had used computer chips to help with that.  Right then and there my plan was to become a physical therapist with a minor in computers.  I wanted to help with helping people.  I then took all the higher maths and sciences that my school offered.

It wasn't until 1/2 way in between my senior year that I attended a church function with a friend and people were asking her what her major was going to be and she said teacher.  It was like a ton of bricks hit me.  I don't know if it was because my Dad was a teacher, that I never thought of it, but at that moment, I knew that was the path for me.  When I went home and told my parents, they were not surprised.  They thought that was the path I should have taken, but were not about to get in my way.

So I went to college nearby.  Signed up for Elementary Education and had planned on minoring in music, but when I saw how long that would take, I dropped that.  I did my 4 years of schooling (vs 8 or more for PT) and I kept running into blocks throughout.  Teachers didn't like me questioning their systems or seeming to try and stump them in asking questions.  I guess the one thing they didn't teach them was to say, I don't know I'll have to find out and get back to you.  But I did it.  Got my BAE in Elementary Education.  I even did a stint of student teaching in a special program in Kansas City.

I moved out to LA (to be with a boyfriend) figuring it would be very easy to get a teaching job.  Boy was I wrong!  First off, LA is a HUGE place.  On top of that getting private schools versus public - be prepared to take at least a $10k pay cut.  At least that is what is was in the early 90's.  Someone actually read my transcripts at one of my interviews and basically told me based off the state I got my license in along with what I majored in, that I more than likely would have to take more classes and do another student teaching in California.  Ahh no thanks!  I even came up as one of the possible replacements at a couple of schools - but got beat out by someone "with" experience.

I looked for any part-time job at that point, grocery stores, video stores, etc.  And guess what -- too much experience. LOL  I was beginning to think I was going to have to go back to Iowa.  But the boyfriend at the time knew a temporary position that had opened up at his work.  So he had me come out to play volleyball to meet the guy who was looking for a "secretary".  He apparently like what he saw, so he had me come in for an interview.. and this is what we call the rest of the story..

I did different jobs from that temporary one I started in in 1991.  It wasn't until 2003 that I changed jobs that allowed me to actually teach again.  I was so nervous getting back into this - systems training.  It had been 10 years since I did any teaching.  They sent me and another lady they had hired to a specific instructional developer's workshop.  The instructor started talking and I was immediately like -- oh yea.. I remember that.  Because what had happened is the concepts stay the same but they just call it something different. LOL.

Needless to say since that move in 2003, I have done fairly well for myself.  I have really gotten my training skills going and do good work, I'd like to think.    Now I'm working on working on my spiritual stuff and once I get my book written, I will be concentrating on a course.  We'll just have to see how that goes.

So if you can't tell yet - I claim this label proudly.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Day 18 - Sick & Tired

I thought for this day my labels of Sick and Tired would be good - considering I'm feeling a bit better than I have in awhile.  But this one of those labels I would love to get rid of.

My whole life I have been one or the other or worse both!  Sick is never good - I have a terrible immune system so put me with 3 kids - I usually get it twice.  I've been trying lately (before my back went out) to be more positive with my intentions and so far it's done pretty well on the sickness (colds and such).  But my back.. not so much.  Because it's been out, I can't get comfortable and so I don't get much sleep let alone restful sleep.  I'm surprised really that I've been surviving as well as I have.  So I'm TIRED.. I mean my bags have bags have bags under my eyes.

I'm stating now -- I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!!!

I have a life I want to live.  Kids I want to play with.  A house that is in desperate need of cleaning!

Now I've been trying to have a more positive attitude, trying not to dwell on my pains.. or tell people them -- because I don't want them anymore.  So I try and say, I've been better.. but I'm alive and kicking still.. so can't be all that bad.

So how about you?  How do you feel about being sick or tired or both?  Are you like me and ready to give up this label?  SNIP SNIP  -- here ya go life.. give me back my life!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Day 17 - Reality TV Junkie

OK, I'll admit it.  I am a reality TV junkie.  I used to watch the MTV shows (in their earlier versions).  Then came American Idol and Survivor.  Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, and then I discovered Iron Chef, Chopped and The Next Food Network Star.  I'm sure there are others - but you get the picture.

Now it feels like I was able to watch these a little more faithfully when 1) I didn't have any kids and 2) I lived a heck a lot closer to work.

Thankfully they're online with our cable company and/or Hulu.  Otherwise I'd never get to see anything.  The children have taken over the TV.

Lately, I mainly watch creative type things - like Chopped.  I mean some of the stuff they throw together in that basket -- half of what I have no idea what it is -- and the stuff they can make in a short amount of time.  AMAZING!

I also like the Next Food Network Star and HGTV's Home Designer show.  I love seeing personalities and creative type stuff -- which I am not!  And some of the stuff they do I go eww.. really?  I'm so not doing that :D

Then don't get me started with any Dancing shows - I'm so on watching them.  I don't care if they are just auditions or not.  I just love watching it.  And of course wishing I had been flexible and built like a dancer because I loved it so much.  But I wasn't.  Doesn't stop me from dancing either.  The back lately does that, which sucks.. because I do love to dance.  I will find myself sometimes welling up in tears wishing that was me.  But I still hold onto my dream of being a best selling author and getting on Dancing with the Stars!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Day 16 - Writer

1/2 way there..and for today - Day 16 - my label is writer.  I love to write.  I started writing my first book at 12.  It was all about my camp days with a bit of a romance thrown in.  I got about 13 chapters done and then as my friend was busing reading it, I decided I didn't like it and she was really mad because she wanted to know how it was going to end!

I then in my 20's was busy writing another novel - I mean I had to sit out in a room to help people - similar to a receptionist and there was often "down time".  I was writing a Young Adult novel about a musical camp.  I had all the character plotted out and got a few chapters done, when life got busy and I got a different job.  So the book got put on hold.

I didn't really write again, for many years when life was slow again.  This time I started a romance novel.  I figured I didn't know much about the past and personally was too lazy to find out - so I thought I'd write some futuristic novel that would come back into the present time.  I got 3 chapters done, submitted them to a writing forum, who gave me some pointers.  I stopped writing it because the hubby at the time (now ex) told me I'd never make it as a writer.  Someday I'll get back to the book and finish it to spite him :D

So I stopped, and life got busy again.  Darn life..

Well I then started writing for writing in a blog.  It was mainly for the family and keeping them up on all the things going on with daughter #1 -- as she had health issues.  Well she got better.. then life got busy again and bye bye blog.

So the past year or so - maybe shorter - as I lack time these days, I have really been working on my spirituality.  So I started a new blog.  I didn't care if anyone really read it or not - though it's nice if they do :)  But it was to put my life into perspective about my journey.  Journal-ling is cathartic - at least for me.  So I started writing.  I then decided to write on my blog as well when I started it.  Gives more exposure.  Unfortunately lately I haven't been able to do everything I used to.  So that one has been lacking.  I'm hoping if the sleep continues, I can get back to it.

I'm also writing a book.  It's about my girls and the stuff I went through with them and their medical issues.  It has been through so many revisions since I first started.  However, I finally got 2 of the 3 chapters done.  Minus the formatting/pictures.  I started the 3rd chapter, but I was waiting on the results of her MRI and blood work.  But right after I got it, I got hit with this back issue.  So again, hopefully with more sleep, I can feel good enough to string sentences together :D

So as you can see, I claim this label.  It's part of who I am.  Writing can be in many different formats including chatting :D  Which as you know is another label I claim.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Day 15 - Clairvoyant

I am clairvoyant.  This term has confused me from the first time I heard it.  What it means to me is that I get snippets of past, current and possible future events. 

At first, it was gut feelings - which I usually ignored and that didn't turn out alright.  Then when I was in my early 20's I got pictures.  I had no idea what the pictures meant and so I tried to interpret them.  Wrong thing to do.  But what happened was I didn't have support at the time and what I was seeing was frightening me so I slammed the door shut.

In my 30's I wanted it to come back.  But it didn't really come back to me until my late 30's and early 40's.  I still got snippets of things and gut feelings.  But now I was dealing with guides I could hear and on a chat I was on, I learned about a specific crystal to use to help awaken gifts.  And yes, I call them gifts because that is what they are.  I was doing a picture read one day and all of a sudden I could see in my minds-eye (in my head like a daydream) the guy and how he died.  I was spot on.  Shock!  That stone apparently did open me.

I didn't have another really significant experience until another picture read.  I did the basic stuff I saw about them.  As we were ending my read, all of a sudden I had a spirit come through to me and this guy knew him.  I had information about the guy that I passed to the person.  Now it was in that read, I learned not to interpret what I was seeing (as that usually was wrong) but actually give what I was seeing - as it usually means something to the person.

As far as this label - I call myself intuitive.  And not all of my family knows yet.  But the time is coming. where everyone will. 

So how often have you had that gut feeling that you didn't listen to and bad things happened.  Or you did and good ones happened?  You may intuitive/clairvoyant as well.

Day 14 - Clairaudient

My label today is Clairaudient.  For those that don't know what that term means - it means I hear spirits/guides.  And when I say hear - I don't mean hear in the 'normal' sense (aka physical ears).  You know that voice you had in your head, the one you talk to yourself about things or practice speeches etc?  That's the one I'm talking about.

Now, I mentioned I like to chat.  This includes with myself.  Often I'll have a debate in my head or conversations or even practice a conversation, like what I would have said had my brain been attached at the time :D

So here I am, sitting in my car one day, talking to myself about what road I should take and to my surprise I got an answer.  To be honest it freaked me out.  So I questioned it.  Kept getting responses.  Again, in my voice but not how I speak, which really freaked me out.  So I asked "them" to do another voice.  To which I got "which voice?"  I picked Nia Vardalos, because I love her movies.  So my guide Tea' started using that voice so I could distinguish her.  So for awhile, it was only her I heard.

I was trying to work on my book and having issues with the writing, when I asked for "help".  That's something  you can do, is ask for assistance with whatever you might be doing.  As certain guides come and go depending upon the situation.  Well for me, I asked for someone to help me with my writing.  I should have been more specific.  What I got was an 8th century Chinese poet - who basically kept telling me that my writing stunk and to start over and do better.  Needless to say, I asked for him to go away. LOL

The next ones I heard were Archangels.  All 4 of them.  Michael, Uriel, Raphael and Gabriel.  Uriel was first.  He really soothed my soul.  It was hurting pretty good when I could finally hear him.  It was after that I managed to actually sense him and then the others.  Michael, being the jokester he is from time to time, apparently knew I had seen the John Travolta in the movie Michael and so that has been his voice and persona ever since.  Both Uriel and Michael like to pick on Raphael - reminds me of the teasing that's done in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Raphael is very sweet and quiet and pretty good natured to take that kind of abuse.  Gabriel appears to me as female.  I mean she is the angel of communication and who better to communicate than a woman :D  She has a lovely lilting voice.

Michael and Uriel are the main ones I talk with.  They kind of have taken over the role of my guides even though they are still around.  And before people get anxious, angels are on a different energy level than us and can be in multiple places at once.

Initially when I first started hearing these voices, I thought for sure I was going nuts.  But then as I got to know them and their loving energy, I really love being able to hear them.  Not everyone can. 

So for this label I gladly claim it - now I can't wait until I can hear actual spirits I know it's coming!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Day 13 - Chatter

I am a chatter.  I love talking and meeting new people.  Sometimes that works in my favor and sometimes it doesn't.  But still, I chat. 

From what my parents have told me, I've been this way since I was very young.  I would go up to complete strangers and be talking to them.  Apparently telling them my whole life story or some imaginary one.  My eldest is kind of the same way - I try and temper it due to life being what it is these days.

But in my chatting, I get to learn new things, meet new and interesting people and plus often I get to help them.  Helping them is a bonus in this chatting thing.  As that's what I really like to do is help people.  Also to give them joy in some manner.  There would come my wit :D  Or what I assume is wit.. lol.

But just as much as I like to chat, I like to also listen.  I've gotten better with the listening part as I've gotten older.  Which helps when you're chatting with people.  No one likes having one person monopolize the talking and there are those individuals.  Me, I may at time to time do that usually when I'm talking about the experiences I've gone through.  I have been through many things in my life and something usually helps another I'm talking to.

And if you couldn't see that I like to chat - just look at my blog :D  I tend to chat more when feeling better than I do when not.  And if you throw in my other label of "honest" - you have me talking about all sorts of things.

How about you? Can you label yourself as "chatty"?

Day 12 - Daughter

I will keep this label forever.  I think it fitting that I put this label out here on my mother's birthday, where she too became a daughter.

I would like to say I was the only daughter in the family and in a sense I was, but my mother's first child who was still born was a daughter.  They never got a chance to know her.  Then next came my brother and then finally me - another daughter.  I even have my big sister's name as my middle name.  I like that I have that
part of her.  My middle name in turn has become my niece's as well.

Being a daughter to me gives you something that might have been missing.  Usually it's all about the girly things - dolls, ballet, dresses.. etc.  I had all that -but I was also more.  I had the barbies.. lots of them.. I took dance for over 10 years..I wore dresses (but that was the style back then).  But I was out exploring in the country with the guys.  I had a girl friend (who was way more girly than I was) but she moved when I was young and so the only kids to play with in the area were boys.  So tomboy is what I became.  From about age 8 I think until 14, you could not get me back into a dress.   Thankfully that was the 70's and pants were more acceptable.

Being a daughter, and a daughter that never truly fit into her family, makes me more knowledgeable of my daughters.  I want them to know they can come to me with anything good or bad.  I want them to be comfortable with their own skin and know that they're loved for being who they are.  I may push a bit to make them the best they can be at time, but I do it so they know they can keep trying at things and if they don't succeed - it's ok, because they at least tried.

Being a daughter means to me that I am a girl growing into a woman in a family.  That family is to nurture me to the best of my ability. I will always be a daughter and claim this label with pride.

Day 11 - Nerd/GLEEK

OK.  I'll admit it I'm a nerd.  Now, in the sense of other nerds out there - I'm not as much of one as others, but I still claim the label.  Why do you ask?  Because I think nerds are awesome.  They are the ones that see beyond the ordinary and strive to make things better.  Nerds like things like Dungeons and Dragons, computers and their games, among a vast majority of other things.

I grew up when computers where just starting out.  We personally didn't have a computer, but my Dad was a teacher and was able to bring one home on holidays.  I of course was on it a good portion of the time.  I learned some basic programming and loved watching it come to life.  I remember being in Junior High and if we got our homework done we could go onto the computer and program.  Needless to say, I did it quite often.

I loved the Renaissance and the immersion some can get from it.  That led to getting into playing Dungeons and Dragons in college.  Now I'll admit right up that I wasn't the best player but I did have some pretty good things happen while playing that took a lot of people by surprise.  The main one was I was able to roll 20's quite often.  For those that play - they'll understand what that means.

Oh and I love Sci-Fi movies, TV shows.   Star Trek, Stargate, Star Wars and heck just recently Fringe.  I love watching these series and try and find other ones -- the only one I haven't tackled yet is Dr. Who.  But I'm sure that's coming.

That leads into Glee.  Now I may be 44, but I love this show.  I'm a musical nerd/geek - so in essence I too have become a Gleek.  I love how the concept of being a nerd and/or geek can be cool.  It has really portrayed us in a good light.  It shows that we all have feelings regardless of who we are or are "labeled".

So can you too be cast in the Nerd/Geek label as well?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Day 10 - Dizzy

Well today's blog post in my 30-day I AM challenge, I am choosing the label dizzy.  Now I'm not sure I've ever really been called "dizzy" per se, but I find sometimes my behavior could be labeled as dizzy.  You know those moments I'm sure.  The times when you are so up in the air about something that you're not thinking of consequences at that exact moment.  You feel invincible that nothing can touch you that nothing can go wrong.  But of course in the world we live in that's kind of a fantasy.  Yup.  That'd be me. 

I do try and keep a level head at times.  Unfortunately my Piscean nature often leads me down the path of dizziness.  It makes for good stories if nothing else.  Maybe that's what I should do with my life.. really write them down into great stories.  God knows I have enough of them.

Well this blog post is more than just the human nature of being "dizzy".  Today I'm actually physically dizzy.  I woke up this morning expecting after a good night sleep (for a change) to get up and get going.  What did I get - vertigo I suppose you could call it.  I felt like I couldn't stand up straight, I was seeing double, and was weak.  Needless to say, I went back to bed.  Again, a few hours later, I tried it again, same results.  I did at that point try and take a shower to see if I could shake it out of me.  Yea.. that was kind of interesting too.  Taking a shower dizzy.  I'm thankful I did not fall.  Out of the shower into my room onto my computer where I tried to write an email to my boss telling him as soon as I wasn't dizzy - I'd be in.  Yea.. that didn't happen.  I went back to sleep.  Woke up a few hours later, still dizzy, but thankfully not as drunkenly as before.  Still seeing double.  However, luckily I was able to put on my glasses and see clearly close things - like my computer.  Hooray!  So next thing I did was ask for some toast and coffee.  Maybe it was blood sugar causing thing?  Maybe a medicine that was finally taking hold after almost 10 days?  I don't know.  But what I do know is I never ever want to feel that out of control.  I hate to think if I had to take care of kids what I would have done.  I do know I wouldn't have driven.. that's for sure.

Thankfully I have another procedure tomorrow and will be asking the doctor what could have caused this.  I only have one more thing about Dizzy -- do be it .. don't do it.. not fun.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Day 9 - Frustrated Artist

I dubbed myself this a LONG time ago.  Let me explain.  My mother and my aunt are beautiful artists.  The stuff when they paint or painted, were gorgeous.  Even my brother when he tried his hand at it, did pretty good.  Me, not so much.  And I wanted to do great pictures.  So badly. 

I thought at one point I'd be good at chalks and to a point I was "all right" but they still looked really amateurish - and to be fair I was 10-12 at the time.  So it probably should have been.

I let the art thing go until college.  Part of my requirements for elementary education was to take an elementary school art class.  Oh great I thought - here we go again.  But what was interesting, I didn't do half bad when we had to do sketches of things.  Like one was the half of a face from a magazine.  The other was this beautiful sketch of a flower that we were going to watercolor.  Now even I know it was good - but the teacher kept saying how she couldn't wait to see my sketch into a watercolor and how beautiful it was going to bed.  At that point I told her, you better do it then.  As a teacher - she responded how you're supposed - oh don't be silly it will be fine.  Little did she know.  I wanted to save my sketch.  It was the best work I had done to date.  But we "had to watercolor".  <sigh>  Paints and I have this love/hate relationship.  It loves to hate me.  I tried to be careful with it.  But it turned out bad.  Even the teacher after the fact told me she should have listened to me LOL.  She gave me a decent grade I think just because of how good the sketch was.

So here I was frustrated artist... still.

Then came the era of digital cameras.  OMG.. I thought now, I might be able to capture those images I see in my head that my hand can't produce.  Yea.. once in a great while I get a good picture, but not like I see it.

I do pretty decent at digital images and manipulating them.  Can I create .. no.. can I do other things, yes.  So in a sense I'm not a frustrated artist anymore.  Here's some examples of things I've done:

 





I really had a lot of fun making these pictures.  I went from these to reading people's energies and putting them into a picture.  Some of the images that come out of that are wild.  Not to mention the energy I feel from it.  Here are a few of those:






So no longer a frustrated artist - and if you'd like one of your own energy pic and/or pic that I can infuse healing/reiki/blessings into - just let me know.  You can buy off my website and heck if you're reading this - contact me and we'll see what deal we can come up with.  

Day 8 - Dancer

I am a dancer.  I LOVE to dance.  I have ALWAYS LOVED to dance.  I distinctly remember my first dance class.  My parents had signed me up for ballet as I was a bit of a klutz.  We got there early for my first dance class and they were having open house.  So my Dad walked me into the "big kids" class to watch the last part.  I was enthralled.  I loved the movement and the music and thought that could be me!  Well, they took us back for the class and it was in a different room.  I didn't care, I just wanted to move like those big kids.  Well one of the first things they did was take us to that exact room the big kids had been dancing in and turned on the same music those big kids were dancing to and told us to dance.  They wanted to see how we moved to the music.  Me, I apparently didn't just move, I danced.  I was replicating the moves I saw the big kids doing.  They ran up to me.. "Have you danced before?" No.  "Where did you learn that move then?" I saw the big kids doing it.  Needless to say, I had an ability to pick up a dance long before most other kids.

I took ballet for 10 years, jazz for 2, gymnastic and tap for 1 year.  I actually LOVED jazz dance the best, but didn't get into it until 2 years before I quit dance.  For all my love of being a dancer, and pretty decent at it (other than not being as flexible as some) I wasn't built like a dancer.  If that wasn't bad enough - I developed earlier than most.  So it was time to hang up the toe shoes.

But I still am a dancer.  I remember taking a church friend to a dance (he was in college by that point - score one for the high school-er bringing a college guy - good looking one at that!).  The DJ in their infinite wisdom decided to play a polka.  We were having such a good time dancing that he was shall we and I of course was like we shall.  So we polkaed around the floor.  Great fun that was!  No one else was doing.  Did I care - no way!  So much fun was had that night!

I'm now dealing with a bulging disc issue in my lower back.  It is making moving difficult, if not impossible at times.  I'm kind of devastated. Things I like to do - like dancing - even table dancing, I can't do anymore.  And I have this dream of being on Dancing with the Stars.  Yea, I know it's a dream - but I'm a best selling author and they have asked me to be on it.  Ballroom.  The one genre I wanted to learn and never did.  Though I did buy a book once to try and learn it.  Now I'm wondering what is going to happen to my back - will I ever be able to dance - let alone have that dream come true.  I right now am willing it so.  Why?  Because at heart I'm a DANCER.

Day 7 - Honest

I am for the most part an honest person.  I'm not going to say totally honest - as in the past I've done somethings I'm not proud of, but over time I've learned to be pretty honest.

Honesty is not a bad label to have, it's how we use it.  For example, I found out that I really couldn't lie when I was like 5 or 6.  My mom had perfume in her bathroom and I sprayed some on.  She smelled it on me and asked if I had gone into her bathroom and messed with the perfume.  Of course I said no -- wasn't supposed to go in there -- and you gotta love your parents response -- are you sure?  Of course is always the response back.  Well then you find out they can smell it on you and you are thus punished worse than you would have been had you been honest.  Let lesson taught me to be honest.

Now at times, my honesty can be a bit.. blunt.  Usually when my emotions (angers/hurt) are engaged.  I then turn into where I make Simon Cowell look like Paula Abdul (when they were on American Idol).  Yes, I'm that blunt.  I've learned over time, to walk away and calm down before discussing anything.  However, I usually get pushed into "talking" and that never goes well.

But I like being honest.  If I find things on the ground like a wallet - I usually track people down.  Or I've found ATM cards and let them at the bank for the owners to pick up.  Stuff like that.  That's the good honest to be.  I know if I've let a wallet or purse somewhere I pray that I'll get it back with everything still in it.

So how about you?

Day 6 - Trusting

So, I'm a bit late with my blog posts.. been a rough few days.  So I'm making up by writing them all today to catch up, starting with this one.  But I didn't want to overdue a post - so I'm still keeping them separate days.

So for Day 6 I'm choosing the label Trusting.  I like being trusting.  I like thinking the good of people and trusting they will do what they say they will do.  I also like others being able to trust me.

Now the downside of being trusting is that too often those devious people are looking for people like me who are trusting.  It often makes for HUGE life lessons for us that are trusting.  And that's what we have to look at that experience as - a life lesson.  There's trusting.. and then there's too trusting.  Let me give you an example...

Too Trusting -- Your child asks for the car and "says" they're going to go xyz.  You hand them the keys.

Trusting - Your child asks for the car and "says' they're going to go xyz.  You ask them enough questions - like do you have enough money, do you have your cell with you, who all is going.. etc etc etc. After asking questions and getting answers you give them the keys. 

So you still trust them - you gave them the keys, but you have enough information that you can make a good decision and are able to get in contact with them just in case.

I think sometimes I fall in the category of too trusting and then sometimes I fall in the category of trusting.  I'd like to remove myself from too trusting now.  And be more prudent with my choices and decisions rather than just being too trusting about the whole situation.  Being too trusting was fine when I was younger - and you'd think I would have learned my lesson - but here I am at 44 still learning them. 

Which one are you or are you even trusting?

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Day 5 - Patient

Wow, already on Day 5 of the I AM Challenge!  Today's label I'm looking at for me is Patient.  And with this I'm talking about the dictionary adjective version -

able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious

versus the noun version

a person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.

Which I could be.. at times .. lol and possibly at the moment with my back.. but I digress...

Most of the time, I'm a fairly patient person.  I keep thinking of the best of people, keep hoping things will change, things like that.  I mean I was in an abusive relationship for over 6 years and kept in it, until I finally saw the light.

I'm patient most of the time with my kids.  I really try and come from a place of love for them.  It doesn't feel good when you get yelled at especially for little things.  So I really work on trying to get them to understand what they did wrong.

I like this part of me to a point.  Part of me that is patient I shouldn't take as long to come to decisions as I do.  But I often put other people's feelings first.  Give them that benefit of a doubt.  Think until I'm proven otherwise the best of them.  I'd really wish I wouldn't do that as often.  It doesn't always benefit me.  As then I get torn up about things inside and then worry about them.  As much as I try not to.  It still happens and then I feel bad about all this gunk inside of me from the worry and the possible outcomes.  That part I'd like to give away.  I'd like to be patient to a point, but if something has to be done, to just do it.  Regardless of feelings.  Sometimes things need to be said and hopefully that will turn out better than how I do it now.  Maybe not - who knows until I try.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Day 4 - Healer

Today I claim the label healer.  It's been a few years now when I first found out I could heal physical ailments on certain people.  It has become who I really am.  To me a healer not only heals physical things, but also emotional things.  They are compassionate and caring.  And it doesn't matter if they don't know a person, they often want to help people in general.  Especially if they see a person in pain.  They are good listeners.  They often have gone through major life trials in order to help others with their experiences.

I often give healing to people without "meaning" to - especially emotional pain.  I now ask people for physical issues, their permission to work on them.  The basis of my healing is LOVE.  I heal with love, my love and God's/angel's love.

The only things I don't like about being a healer is feeling so deeply that I take on their pain.  Often it's hard to give it up - though I'm working on that.  The other things I don't like is that currently I am unable to heal myself.  I keep trying and hope one day that will work.

Just as a note to remind people, what I'm doing for the next 30 days is reclaiming who I am.  You want to join us -- label it #NOLABELS in twitter.  Check out our forum explaining what to do: 30 day challenge


And you can follow along with my sister and her blog: http://allthingsnadine.wordpress.com/

If you want to share with me on your journey, just email me: harmonize@divinepathways.com the link of your blog.  Would love to know more!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Day 3 - Good Person

Actually I was going to put goody-two-shoes - you know the old Adam Ant song?  Yea, they dubbed me with that in school.  I was the kid that didn't drink, didn't smoke.. so what did I do?  Well, back then I was "high on life".  I grew up in a smallish city but when to a small farm school - so back then not much to do - especially with no cable, so a lot of kids I knew drank, smoked and did drugs even.  I didn't want to feel out of control, so I didn't need it. 

I still don't.  Not to say I don't have a drink here or there, I do on occasion. Drugs - don't do unless doctor prescribes.  Smokes, well did do it once upon a time, but haven't done it in a long time.  If I had to do it again, I probably wouldn't.  But that's hindsight - which is always 20/20.

So they call me good.  Nothing wrong with that.  Am I always good?  Heck no!  I am human.  I have feelings like anger and envy etc.  Things that would make me not seem as good.  But I'm OK with it.  I try and be good and helpful to those I know and meet.  It's part of who I am.  I don't like not being good, something inside me freaks out.  So if you want to call me good - go ahead.  This is one label I will take happily.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Day 2 - Woman

Here we are with day2 of reclaiming who I am.  I chose Woman today as woman has so many different connotations with it.

Most people think of woman and think dresses, high heels, makeup, hair and nails done, cooking/cleaning, taking care of the kids etc etc etc.

Growing up my parents did the typical stuff for a girl - pink and gingham.  However, there weren't girls around where I lived for a long time, just boys, so I ran around with them.  I never got girls and the games they played and most of my friends growing up were guys.

So I'm not the typical girl or woman.  I don't play games, I only wear makeup when I need to, I hate heels and will not wear them and so I don't wear a lot of dresses either.

I will take the part of woman to say I'm caring and love my children and try and see different perspectives.  I do like to cook, just not often time to do it.  I don't like to clean, but it's become necessary for the health of myself and my kids.  I am very kind and caring - sometimes too much so that it can get me into trouble.

Often many times a woman is thought not to be a woman if she doesn't want kids or can't have them.  I think that's a fallacy.  I know at one point in my life I thought that way.  I mean what's the point of being a woman if you can't have kids.  There's so much more to being a woman than just that.  But it's hard to see that during that time when all you can think about is kids.

I would like to think the label Woman is about strength.  Maybe not completely physical like a Man would be, but we have our own type of strength.  I know in losing my daughter I got told I was strong.  Well of course I was, I'm not the type of woman that falls apart in front of people.  I hold my grief in to be a private thing - but often I'm strong for others and help them as they may not be as strong and need that support.

So for me, I take in the following for the label woman:

Strength, emotional, caring, non-judgmental, intelligent, creative, level-headed, supportive, kind, and I'm sure there's more, but with lack of sleep, I'm drawing a blank at the moment.  Regardless, I am glad to be a woman and enjoy every moment - even the bad one.  As we can not grow and learn unless we appreciate all aspects.  #NOLABELS

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Day 1 - Mother

A few friends and I are working on a 30-day challenge of reclaiming ourselves.  Too often we get labeled by others or we label ourselves and we think that's all there is to us.  This is a proclamation of who we truly are and we'll be blogging about it for 30 days here in September.

If you want to know more about it - go here:  I AM 30 day challenge and feel free to join us in reclaiming yourself.

So for day 1 I have chosen the label "mother".  Why you ask?  Because it's something I've always dreamed of being.  I have always wanted children and lots of them, but I didn't expect them to come as late as they did.

Mother as a label to me is someone who is loving, caring, teaches children, gives up their dream for their kids, cooks, cleans, June Cleaver anyone?

Well, I so had it wrong.  I am a mother - gave birth to 4 children, 3 which are living.  I try to teach my kids the things I want them to learn - which is to be a good person.  To do that, I have to give up trying to be June Cleaver - because I will never be perfect.  Mother's make mistakes along the way.  There is no guide book to how to do things.  I know I see people that seem to have it all together and do lots of things around the house and crafty things -- that is so not me. 

I love my children.  I show them love.  I show them how to be a better person by example.  By not giving up my dream - but living it.  I show them how to be better people by teaching them how to clean up after themselves and when they're older, going to show them how to manage money and cook and do laundry.  I want them to be functioning members of society.

But I am human as well and get sick and don't have the time to do everything I think a mother should do.

So I'm disregarding June Cleaver and the "perfect" image of a mother.  But claiming LOVE and TEACHING as part of who I am.